A couple nights ago Cooper was being a real bear as I was putting him to bed. I read him a story, tucked him in, put up the gate at the door to his room, grabbed the baby monitor, and went downstairs to continue my never-ending packing journey. We were moving in a few days. A new city. New services for Cooper. As I suspected Coops did not want to go to sleep and screamed/yelled at the gate. Normally, I don’t let it bother me. Sleep is not something he…
Read MoreSo for the first time ever I had the words, “I’m sorry…he’s autistic” on the tip of my tongue and couldn’t bring myself to say it. We are getting new carpet in our basement and on Sunday two people from the company came over to show us carpet samples and measure. Jamie went downstairs with the guy and I stayed upstairs with the boys to look at the samples. The woman was showing me the different styles and had them spread out all over the floor. As usual Sawyer was…
Read MoreSometimes I forget that Cooper is just a little boy. And that he is only 3. And so stinking cute. I look at this picture and I see a boy. Not an autistic boy. It’s an invisible thing. I never knew that one word could change my life so much. I am so thankful that I am past the diagnosis part. I almost just typed that I am thankful to be past the unknown part. But that’s not true. Every bit of Cooper’s future is unknown. I believe we are…
Read MoreI think a lot about the hardest parts of autism…or Cooper’s autism I guess. There are days when I think the whining is the worst. Or his eating habits. Or the throwing. It can vary and probably has a lot to do with how tired I am or worn down at that moment. Some days I can take on anything. I am a rock. And some days I feel like I can’t take it anymore. There are days where I feel like I won’t survive fighting over another dinner. Cooper will…
Read MoreSo, how did Halloween go? That is the question on everyone’s mind. Cooper rocked it. He wore his costume and went to 10 or so houses. He even grabbed or took candy and even waved to every candy giver when asked. Towards the end he would get in the stroller in between houses but refused to stay in the stroller when his cousins went up to the house. It was pretty damn great. Little stuff like that means a lot to me. Towards the end he started trying to peek by the…
Read MoreI think I am pretty good at pretending I don’t care about things. It comes with the territory I guess. I can’t get sad about every thing that happens. That is no way to live. But holidays and autism will forever devastate me. And the holiday season is right around the corner. I care a whole bunch about Halloween and Christmas and Birthdays. Judge away people. I know someone will want to tell me….”You can’t make Cooper celebrate. You are sad for yourself. You are sad because you are missing…
Read MoreI think about that a lot. How is this blog going to end? When I first realized Cooper was delayed I became obsessed with finding another kiddo like him. And to take it one step father onto the crazy train that I was riding…I wanted that kid to be healed. Or fixed. Or however you want to put it. I needed to find a kid that was nonverbal at 3 who ended up talking and leading a normal life. Now, don’t freak out on me here…but I have yet to find that…
Read MoreCooper gets done with school at 4:30 M-F. I pick him up every day. I chose to do this because the thought of him being on a van in rush hour traffic with a stranger as a nonverbal autistic child actually put me in the fetal position on my bed. I can deal with him riding the bus ‘to’ school but not both. So, I pick him up. I usually get there about 4:10 because there are 7 parking spots for 100 people. Ok, I am exaggerating a bit but not by much. The…
Read MoreCooper’s first school drop off…in pictures:
Read MoreThis past week Jamie and Sawyer were wrestling on the couch. They were tickling and laughing and I was reading and sorta paying attention. I heard Jamie say something to Sawyer that absolutely took my breath away. Sawyer was babbling about balls and apples and playing ball and going outside. The usual with that kid. And then I hear Jamie say, as he was hugging him, “I can’t wait to take you to baseball games and play ball just like I did with my dad.” It was one of the most…
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