Ever since the age of 7, when I got the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” my response has always been “A teacher!”. I was one of the lucky ones who never had a single doubt about what I wanted to be, I went to college with a plan, in four years I would be in a classroom full of 20 or so little smiling faces that I would get to call my class! It only took me one semester to figure out that being…
I have seen your comments on my favorite blogs. I have thought about your stance. I could feel your frustration with mine. I can imagine and see your side of this. But I would be lying if I said I fully understood it. And I don’t think you fully understand mine. But I hope you can try to understand my thoughts as much as I am trying to understand yours. From the moment I gave birth to my beautiful girl, I have never felt so in tune with another human…
I have never been a huge fan of the word aware, even well before my son was diagnosed with autism. The term itself is a copout, really, claiming the basest level of understanding. I am aware I have a shopping addiction. Terrific. Now what? The educator in me would prefer awareness to sit lower than comprehension, even lower than knowledge within that famous hierarchy of learning. I feel the act of claiming awareness in order to make oneself feel sufficiently enlightened, wise, or in-the-know is, well, lame. One of the finest qualities an individual can possess, in…
This story is almost three years old. I just learned of it today. I saw the photo above on Facebook. And I instantly felt ill. Sick to my stomach. Because I knew. This is the reality for so many parents in my world. This is my greatest fear. And I know say that a lot. I worry about who will care for Cooper after I am gone. Who will keep him safe. But in the now, in the day-to-day, I worry about protecting him from the world. He is nonverbal.…
As with anything, there are parts that are beautiful. Parts that are hard, funny and sad. There are challenges. And huge, ginormous victories. There are tears. Both of joy and of pain. There are smiles. And lots of confusion. And even feelings of failure on my part. There is more worry than I ever thought possible. And did I mention love. So much love. Autism isn’t just a word to us. Or a diagnosis. It’s not just a box checked on a form. Or something we advocate for in April.…
As any new mom would, when I was first pregnant I spent my time obsessing. I don’t know why I hated every baby name or why I thought my baby would be nameless. I spent my time reading through baby journals and articles. And in that time I read that babies develop hearing while in utero and that was it. So, we bought a book. Daddy would read aloud near my growing belly. This was going to be his book. I remember we searched for the most perfect book. I…
A few days ago I stumbled upon a pretty great story in Facebook land. And I’ll be the first to admit that it’s nice to see a feel good story these days. It involved an autistic boy. And a lost teddy bear. Earlier this week, 12-year-old Ryan Paul was frantically searching through his home in New Jersey in hopes of finding his teddy bear. When he couldn’t find the toy, he remembered how his parents had told him that he should dial 911 in case of emergencies. Ryan then called…
I’m going to share something with you that I wasn’t sure I’d ever be strong enough to share with people outside of our world. But first let me ask you this question… If you had a secret that ultimately was the turning point on why your nonverbal, aggressive, severely autistic son could continue to live with your family, would you share? This is something that I’ve gone back and forth with in my mind whether to share and to be quite honest I don’t know completely why. So what if…
To My Dear Husband, I vividly remember our first date. I was 16 years old and you picked me up in a parking lot across the street from my friend’s house so my parents wouldn’t know. Let’s be honest, it was a disaster. We went to the movie theater and I paid for our tickets, you awkwardly put your arm around my shoulder for 5 minutes near the end of the movie and we did not speak to each other for years. You went on to have a beautiful daughter,…
On Saturday morning, at 5:45 am, I casually mentioned to Cooper that I was going to Target at some point. I was chatting away to him when I worked it into the conversation. The words ‘Target’ and ‘birthday party.’ I talk to him all the time like this when we are alone. In the car. Or awake before anyone else gets up. I go on and on. Mostly nonsense really. I talk about the news. And how much I love coffee. I talk about Sawyer’s schedule. And our plans for the…
