Archive for January 2020
Anxiety, Depression and Social Media
If my sister was a teenager in today’s world of social media, she would be dead. I have no doubt about it. It was a miracle that she survived as it was, but had facebook, instagram, snap chat and tiktok been around then, I honestly do not think she would be here today. I absolutely hate the impact social media has on our teens today. My niece is 15 and we have already found her in situations she had no intentions of being in. And she has already found herself…
Read MoreHow We Show Love In Our House
Cooper has always communicated by touching faces. I like to believe it’s a nonverbal thing. And a Cooper thing. In my mind it’s a way to feel someone’s emotions when it’s hard to understand the words. Or facial expressions. It’s a way to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I am mad’ when the words can’t come out. It’s a way to get someone’s attention too. If Cooper really likes you, he will touch your face. This morning, and every single morning for the last six years, he has woke me…
Read MoreHow to Stay Sane
Sometimes I stand before people and I say stuff and then they ask me questions. How do you keep you marriage together with the stress of raising a child with autism? How can I get my son to stop biting/hitting/screaming/chewing/running? How is it you are so stunningly beautiful and well-dressed? Actually, I’ve never been asked that last question. I admit this to you in the spirit of full disclosure. When my son Jack was a little guy, throwing enormous fits and staying up all night and generally wreaking havoc on…
Read MoreHe Never Gave Up On Me
I have a son. Three actually. They are all very different. My oldest is 9 years old. His name is Cooper. He was Cooper from the second I found out I was pregnant. There was no other name. Although we don’t really call him that anymore. We call him Snoopy. And Snoops. And Snoopy Joy. And sometimes even ‘turn it down.’ He is the most complicated, easiest, and interesting person I know. He doesn’t say much. But yet never, ever stops making noise. He moves really fast sometimes. And other…
Read MoreWhat Got Me Through As A Mother
If I could go back in time to the day before my oldest son Conor was born I would in an instant. I would give myself the biggest hug and tell me it would all be alright, that it was going to be an incredibly painful few years ahead, that I would spend nights bawling my eyes out with worry, stress and loneliness but in the end it would be alright. I would tell me that I would stand at the water’s edge one night, ready to jump in, to…
Read MoreWe Get Forever Together
This morning I was trying to distract your baby brother by doing This Little Piggy on his toes. I was exhausted. You had been up since 3:45 AM and the baby had been up 4 times throughout the night. It was safe to say mama was not in the best mood. But you boys were. Happy as can be. Loud. Running. Laughing. Getting into everything. I grabbed your brother and plopped him up in the chair and started saying the words in my overly dramatic way. ‘This LITTLE piggy went…
Read MoreA Friendship Blossoms
Autism can be hard to understand especially for a toddler. All my son wants is just a relationship with his older brother, who up until a few months ago wanted nothing to do with him. Two boys with completely different personalities: Nicholas who is laid back, keeps to himself, quiet (most of the time), and has autism; and Daniel who is outgoing, social, independent, strong willed, and most of all, persistent. For a long time I didn’t know if my boys would have a good relationship with each other. I…
Read MoreManifesting Gratitude
A few years ago, I was scrolling through a Facebook group called “Mom’s of Trach Babies” as I often did, looking for suggestions or tips for taking care of my sweet son Jacob and his tracheostomy. Jacob had a rare neurological genetic disorder and he depended on us for everything. I feel like there was a point where it would have sounded silly that we found better information from a Facebook group than from some of the doctors we encountered, but now, its fairly common to find valuable and needed…
Read MoreTime is a Thief
Twenty months old. That’s how old you were when we welcomed your sister into our family. You wouldn’t go near her at first, and even now you rarely act like you notice her. Leading up to her arrival everyone would ask if you were excited to have a baby sister. They would ask if you showed interest in my growing belly. You didn’t notice it one bit. It didn’t phase you even a little. They would talk about how fun it would be to have two so close in age.…
Read MoreI Cried
I cried when you were diagnosed. I cried because I thought I did something to cause it. I cried because I wondered if I would ever hear your voice. I cried because I wanted you to live the childhood I imagined for you. I cried because I wanted you to have a typical relationship with your sibling. I cried because I worried that you wouldn’t have the capacity to learn. I cried because I worried that you wouldn’t have the capacity to love or be loved. I cried because you…
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