Archive for May 2019
The Best Big Brother
My son Xander has always been an amazing kid, above average in every way, but he goes above and beyond as a big brother. He wanted a little sister more than anything. He actually asked Santa! When we told him we were pregnant he was over the moon. He wanted a book that took him week by week thru the pregnancy and he read it more than once. He helped choose her name, he picked clothes and helped us set up her nursery. My favorite memory is at night he…
Read MoreThe Secrets We Keep
I backed out of the garage. Music blaring. Sunglasses on. To my neighbors it probably appeared like I was just running an errand. To the grocery store most likely. My neighborhood was alive as usual. So many people in their yards and driveways. I saw kids playing tag. Some were riding bikes. A few waved and shouted, ‘hello.’ I saw people gathered at the park. Babies in strollers. Dogs chasing balls. I live here, in this neighborhood. Suburbia. Every family much like ours. Two or more kids. Parents busy with…
Read MoreHow Does this End?
When my son was diagnosed with autism over five years ago, I thought it was a race against time. I thought if we did everything all at once, all the therapies and services, we would help him, and he would eventually get back on track. I knew he’d always have autism. I was never one that thought it would go away. But I did think we would help him, bit by bit, and eventually he’d be where he needed to be. Which at the time I thought was alongside his…
Read MoreThe 4 Things that Helped our Son the Most
Many of you have been following our story for years. Some even since Cooper was three when I started this blog. You’ve seen the ups and downs. The highs and the lows. You watched me struggle. And Cooper too. Severe autism is a roller coaster. There is no doubt about that. Today, he is 8 and doing so great. He is potty trained, sleeping, walking in the community, acknowledging people and his brothers, and starting to communicate. Yes, his diagnosis is still severe, nonverbal autism with a side of Apraxia…
Read MoreHaving ‘That Child’
This is an open letter of sort to those that say that they could never deal with “that child.” You hear a lot about people saying they could not or would not have “that type of child.” Let me tell you about “that child” and those that love and care for them. That child has a heart bigger than most. That child has been through more than most “typical children” in a short period of time. That child has had to go through more surgeries, tests and invasive things than…
Read MoreBeauty in the Broken-ness
The older he gets, I often find myself focusing on the things my son Benjamin struggles with. Because naturally, the older he gets, the harder things become for him. It is a knee jerk reaction to hone in on the difficulties he’s experiencing because as his mother I want to “fix it” for him; I don’t want him to continue to struggle with things most children his age have no problem with. But the fact of the matter is, he will always be blind, and he may or may not…
Read MoreThose Keyboard Warriors Though
One of my dear friends is going through some cyber bullying. She is a blogger. She is amazing. She talks and writes about injustices, her family, her life and her son Amos. Who not only happens to be the cutest child ever, but also has autism. She shared some screen shots with me this morning and I instantly started to sweat. I’ve been there. It will literally take your breath away and feel like you have been sucker punched the first time someone comes at you online. And the second…
Read MoreThe Box of Kleenex on the Table
On the 24th of August, my husband and I sat hand in hand to finish a year long diagnostic journey to understand why our son Romeo lives in such silence. I could feel Gerardo’s fingers stroke my knuckles as the words spilled from the specialists mouth. As they sat and explained therapies, research, support groups…my mind wandered to the Kleenex box on the table. My child wasn’t sick, his life wasn’t in danger and the world didn’t stop turning. Romeo didn’t stop being Romeo. We just had a name for…
Read MoreIt’s the Isolation that Got Us
My son is starting to communicate. It’s almost unbelievable to me. If you would have told me a year ago that my son would even attempt to say words I wouldn’t have believed you. If you would have told me two years ago that he would be potty trained I also would have probably laughed at you. Not because he isn’t smart and amazing. But because it just seemed so impossible at the time. But I was wrong. He is blowing us away lately. He has started dressing himself. He…
Read MorePlease Allow Me to Feel the Hard Parts
Mother’s day has always been hard for me. Growing up with a single dad and a mother who was not a part of my life, (and when she was, caused a lot of heartache, confusion, and chaos) I always hated Mother’s Day. I have had some amazing women in my life step up and try to help take the place of an absent mother, but I’ll be honest and say that nothing ever fills that void. I thought becoming a mother would help though. I wanted nothing more than to…
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