Posts Tagged ‘Special Needs Parenting’
So Life Gave you Lemons…
“When life gives you lemons…make lemonade.” I have heard that saying a lot. It is a sweet saying. People use this saying to make good out of a bad situation or make the best of what they have been given. And it is easier said than done. I am going to give you an example. A couple of summers ago we got to join my entire family for a vacation to St. George, Utah. We were all sharing a home together. 30 of us. It was the best kind of chaos…
Read MoreWhat I Know is Different than How I Feel
I know he was born in 2010 on a cold, icy winter day after what felt like days of pushing. His birth was traumatic. At least that’s how it felt to me. I remember them saying he’s not breathing. I watched them gather around the table. So many hands. All rubbing him. I was waiting for the cry. I kept looking at my doctors face to see if he was panicked. He was an old pro. He’d been doing this for years. He seemed fine. Never sweating. Never appearing frazzled.…
Read More400 Days of Autism
I remember everything about that day. The strong cologne of the man in the elevator, my shaky hands as I searched for change for the parking station, the salty taste of my tears and the uncontrollable numbness and heartbreak all the way home and still to this day. I had been on a mission for almost 6 months for my son’s autism diagnosis AND even though I had 6 months to prepare it still stung like a slap to the face. It was real and true, and there was no…
Read MoreThe Fear of the Unknown
I’ve been scouring the internet like a crazy person for the past 3 months. I’ve downloaded all of the packets from autism websites. I’ve obsessed over all of the milestones that we aren’t hitting. All of the red flags. I’ve called specialists and early intervention and therapists. I’ve read and watched and listed to articles, videos, and podcasts about research and diets and advice for parents of newly diagnosed. I’ve read all the blogs and sought out wisdom from mothers who have been on this journey for a while. All…
Read MoreShe Doesn’t Look Autistic
“She doesn’t look autistic.” “Are you sure?” “Autism is just the new ADHD.” “Oh, I would have never known.” “But she’s so pretty!” These are all responses I have heard when I first tell someone about my daughter’s autism diagnosis. I am always walking a fine line when it comes to telling people. It’s not because I’m embarrassed or don’t want to talk about it. I am a proud mom and autism is not a bad word in our home (disability in general is not). No, I usually don’t want…
Read MoreBesties Growing Up Together
I’m sitting here on my lonely bench, watching the friends I grew up with laugh, enjoy each other’s company and continue to build the amazing relationships that I SO desperately want to be apart of. I’m watching what should have been my life right before me and it stings hard. Like only the raw, heartbroken teenage-outcast burn can sting. Except….. I’m not a teenager. These are not my friends and this is not my life…but damn it feels so hard on my heart. Honestly, this is the best way I…
Read MoreWatching Him Learn About the World
As with anything, there are parts that are beautiful. Parts that are hard, funny and sad. There are challenges. And huge, ginormous victories. There are tears. Both of joy and of pain. There are smiles. And lots of confusion. And even feelings of failure on my part. There is more worry than I ever thought possible. And did I mention love. So much love. Autism isn’t just a word to us. Or a diagnosis. It’s not just a box checked on a form. Or something we advocate for in April.…
Read MoreOh, the Places You’ll Go
As any new mom would, when I was first pregnant I spent my time obsessing. I don’t know why I hated every baby name or why I thought my baby would be nameless. I spent my time reading through baby journals and articles. And in that time I read that babies develop hearing while in utero and that was it. So, we bought a book. Daddy would read aloud near my growing belly. This was going to be his book. I remember we searched for the most perfect book. I…
Read MoreThe Moment Autism Changed Me
To My Dear Husband, I vividly remember our first date. I was 16 years old and you picked me up in a parking lot across the street from my friend’s house so my parents wouldn’t know. Let’s be honest, it was a disaster. We went to the movie theater and I paid for our tickets, you awkwardly put your arm around my shoulder for 5 minutes near the end of the movie and we did not speak to each other for years. You went on to have a beautiful daughter,…
Read MoreI’m Learning how to be his Mom
On Saturday morning, at 5:45 am, I casually mentioned to Cooper that I was going to Target at some point. I was chatting away to him when I worked it into the conversation. The words ‘Target’ and ‘birthday party.’ I talk to him all the time like this when we are alone. In the car. Or awake before anyone else gets up. I go on and on. Mostly nonsense really. I talk about the news. And how much I love coffee. I talk about Sawyer’s schedule. And our plans for the…
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