Posts Tagged ‘Special Needs Parenting’
I had Plans for us Kid
I had plans as a mother. Big plans. Plans that I can admit didn’t include autism. Even today, after 8 years, sometimes I still find myself wondering how my plans got so derailed. How we got here. I’ll be giving my son a bath, washing his feet, and I’ll look up at him eating bubbles, throwing his head back, smiling, squealing, and I’ll wonder how this happened. Or he’ll be having a meltdown, self injuring, and screaming over turning left, a walk to the park or a crinkle in his…
Read MoreIt Isn’t Really Something to Fix
Kids are complicated. And everyone has an opinion. I mean every kind hearted, well-intentioned family member, friend, nurse, doctor, therapist and sometimes stranger has an opinion on your child. Some of them are good opinions, some misguided, and a few of them probably make you want to throw something at them. Doctors. Therapists. Visits and appointments. Scheduling and shuffling. Integrating multiple therapeutic strategies into your home on a daily basis, all while balancing all the normal day to day things. Parents and teachers of special needs, I know you get…
Read MoreThe Doctor who said, Your Child is the Least of my Concerns
My daughter is autistic and started having seizures at age 11. I remember the day I got the call from the school nurse that she had a seizure in class. I actually expected it at some point due to her neurological issues, so it didn’t take me completely by surprise, but it was terrifying nonetheless. We already had a neurologist so we had the 24 hour EEG right away which confirmed she was having partial complex seizures. The type where you just kind of stare off into space for as little…
Read MoreSpecial Needs Parenting Changes Us Entirely
Special needs parenting changes us entirely. There is no denying that. Because the truth is — the first few years are going to pull you so far away from who you used to be that you won’t even recognize yourself anymore. You’ll find yourself looking in a mirror, bags under your eyes, either heavier, or skinnier, and not recognize yourself. It looks and feels like you’ve aged a hundred years. Or maybe you are standing in a crowded room, feeling entirely isolated and alone, and wonder if you are invisible.…
Read MoreThe Seventh Year
In church we sing, Let the King of my heart Be the wind inside my sailsThe anchor in my waves…‘Cause You are good You are good, oh oh Oh, He is my song…You’re never gonna letYou’re never gonna let me down – Bethel Music My son, tonight I held you as you stood on a chair in our church. I sang this song to you and you smiled at me. I wondered if you understood that I was worshiping and thanking God for trusting me to be your mom. This song resonates with me…
Read MoreI’m done Apologizing for my Daughter
I don’t know about you, but I’m so tired of apologizing… I’m tired of apologizing for things I cannot control. I’m tired of apologizing to people who don’t deserve it. However, I’m most tired of apologizing for my autistic daughter. Today, while checking out in the book store, Harper ran away to go to the children’s section (without looking back or slowing down ) so she could press the heart of Elmo to make him dance just one more time. As the cashier awkwardly smiled at me, I apologized to…
Read MoreThe Handwriting on the Wall…
I walked into the playroom and realized James found the ONE marker that wasn’t tucked away in the closet with the other messy villains like glitter and Play-Doh that are only allowed supervised play dates. He had written his name in large purple letters underneath his big sister’s artwork. When he realized I was standing there, he proudly announced, “Tahdah!” with his charming little smile. While my initial reaction was frustration and to grab my magic eraser, it was quickly replaced with the reminder that not very long ago I…
Read MoreRegret, Remorse, Repentance
Every trip to the store ends the same way – with my son screaming and flailing on the floor. It is inevitable and without fail. It doesn’t matter what kind of distractions I use, what type of approach or discipline, he is a ticking time bomb, and within 15 to 20 minutes I will need to leave. It makes it impossible to finish any type of trip to the store or anywhere else really. I would be completely mortified when he screamed, eventually leaving the store in desperation with a…
Read MoreWhat if you have a Child with Special Needs?
We were married in the Lutheran faith and had to give up our precious weekend to attend a weekend of pre-marital counseling sessions. It was long and seemed completely unnecessary because we were madly in love. The class was centered on ‘deep’ questions that prompted discussion between couples. How would you handle a partner with an addiction? Or a partner that lies? A partner who gambles? We obviously didn’t have those problems since we were best friends so we breezed through. Oh the arrogance of twenty-something kids. Jamie and I…
Read MoreJust Try Sweet Boy
I have this memory burned in my brain. And if you follow me I speak of it often. I was a first time mom. My son was 2 years old and Early Intervention was sitting in my living room. Red flags had been identified as they say. The nice woman had a booklet…it had to be a 100 pages long. Her job was to figure out what my son couldn’t do. Question after question. Always, often, sometimes, never, unknown. Bubbles filled in as we went along. It was awkward and…
Read More