Watching the World Through Autism’s Eyes

Hi. My name is Carrie.  I am married to a man named Joe, and we have five kids. Our second child, Jack, is diagnosed with autism. He is almost seventeen years old. We spend a lot of time working on open-ended questions with Jack: who, what, where, when, and why.  Who is your favorite teacher? What would you like for dinner? Where did you put your glasses? When do you want to leave for the store? Why do you think Billie Eilish is the greatest singer of all time? See, you can’t answer these kinds of questions with…

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Autism Awareness Month Feels Different This Year

I helped my boy get dressed today, as I do each morning. “One foot in sweetheart,” I quietly instructed, going through the familiar motions. I checked the calendar for a quick run down of our day… April 1st.  The start of Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month.  Letting out a sigh, I hurried off to gather items for Leo’s therapy sessions, my mind wandering to those earlier days, when excitement was all abuzz, as April neared. When we’d wear a certain color to commemorate the day… And Facebook posts and videos depicting individuals…

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In One Second

My son Stalen is almost 6 years old and on the autism spectrum. His safety is my priority, always. He has no sense of safety or danger. He elopes. He is a runner. He is an opportunist. As soon as he sees an opportunity he bolts. When these incidents occur, his strength and speed are super human. He has crossed beyond the tree line into the woods on me a couple of times. He has unlocked the door once and gone outside-luckily-into our fenced in backyard. He has bolted across…

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I Wonder

My son, I wonder if you will always reach for my hand when we are walking. I wonder if you will always be precious and innocent. I wonder if you will always gasp at birds and at squirrels. I wonder if you will always point to airplanes. And wave to strangers. And bark when puppies walk by. I wonder if you will always run up to a mud puddle with such joy and excitement and then look back to get my attention before you jump in. I wonder if we…

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Silence and Sunshine

My son, This morning was one of those great mornings. You and I, sitting side-by-side, taking in the morning in our own familiar way. You on the couch surrounded by 7 fleece blankets and treasures. Me, right next to you in the recliner, feet up, drinking coffee. The news was going on about something or another but I couldn’t really hear it over the music blaring from your iPad. You were dancing to it. Every few seconds you would pick up my arm and move it with yours to the…

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The Third Child

There is just something about the third child. I hear they rule the roost usually. And are often little stinkers. Both true for this one. Right now he’s two years old. The third boy. The boss. He loves Nerf Guns, monster trucks, and Blaze and the Monster Machine. He has the most pleasant personality of anyone I have ever met. He adores his brothers. He drives both of them bonkers too. Without fear. He lives on chocolate. I kid. But for real, he loves snacks and treats and raspberries. Getting…

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He Waits for Me

For the last few weeks, I have been spending a lot of my time driving back and forth to visit my dad in the hospital. And it’s no short trip. It’s nearly 3 hours one way. This means I’ve missed being home when my boys get off of the bus. Which is okay, my dad needs me. And these boys are in more than capable hands with their dad. But it’s hard. It makes me feel out of wack, like I can’t get my bearings. I don’t like missing anything…

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Tearing Down the Walls

I read a quote a while back that told older moms to be the friend they needed when they were younger. I think about it often in relation to my kids. My son Cooper is 10. He was diagnosed with autism 8 years ago. And later severe and nonverbal and a whole lot of other words were thrown into the mix. And overnight our world got a lot smaller. It seemed to shrink. It seemed to go on without us. And yet my son was exactly who he was born…

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The Beginning of Our Autism Journey

When my first son Parker was born, he was a big baby with a ton of awesome hair. It was all I ever heard. People would say, “Look at all that hair!” I was one proud Dad!  Not because of the hair, but because I always wanted to be a Dad! I was already starting to think about all the things we would do together. Play t-ball, pee wee football, soccer, basketball, hockey, go-karts, anything he wanted to do. He could grow up to be whoever he wanted to be,…

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To the Medical Mama: I now Understand

How many times have I watched from a distance, mostly from behind a screen, as special needs parents spent weeks or even months in the hospital with their child, and I’ve thought, “gosh, that’s got to be hard.” I had a limited understanding of how difficult an ordeal like that could be because my 16 year old son Luke has been extremely healthy for many years; healthy until last year when we spent 6 weeks in ICU with him after his shunt malfunctioned and then became infected after a new…

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