He Waits for Me

For the last few weeks, I have been spending a lot of my time driving back and forth to visit my dad in the hospital. And it’s no short trip. It’s nearly 3 hours one way.

This means I’ve missed being home when my boys get off of the bus. Which is okay, my dad needs me. And these boys are in more than capable hands with their dad. But it’s hard. It makes me feel out of wack, like I can’t get my bearings.

I don’t like missing anything with them.

I call a lot, and FaceTime when I can. My middle son is a chatter box and even calls me on his own. He likes to tattle on his dad and ask when I’m going to be home.

My youngest takes the phone from dad and tells me all about worms and Blaze and the Monster Machines.

And Cooper, my oldest, well, he doesn’t care for the phone much. I’m not sure if he understands its purpose or not, I just know when I’m away, he’s the one I can’t seem to reach.

And I know he waits for me. I know because of the few words he does say, ‘mom’ is his favorite. And he asks his dad for me. And then he waits.

It scares me if I let it. Thinking about after I’m gone. If he will understand. Or if he will wait. I try not to think too much about it or I will get lost in a sad place. One that I call a rabbit hole. And I know if I step in, sometimes I can’t get out.

Last night, around 8 pm, I walked in, finally home. I was exhausted from the drive.

My little one ran up to me happily shouting, ‘my mama is home!!!’ My middle guy gave me a wave and a glance up from his Fortnite screen. Although he did try and weasel into my bed for some snuggling time so I know he at least missed me a tiny bit.

And Cooper, he nonchalantly walked over, bringing me a piece of artwork he had made at school that day.

He was waiting to show me. Although no one knew that. But he knew. He knew he needed to show me. And I saw him exhale and beam with pride as I gasped at its beauty.

I can’t imagine not being able to communicate…the pressure that must be. The weight of holding it all inside.

After we were done celebrating, he leaned in and gave me a hug.

I am his person. And he is mine.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.