Posts Tagged ‘Special Needs Child’
The Best Birthday Gift I Have Ever Received
This morning I walked downstairs to my sweet boy sitting on the couch, surrounded by his treasures. He waved. It was quick though. He was very busy watching his shows. He takes his show watching very serious. Especially on early mornings. ‘Cooper, it’s mom’s birthday today!’ I said. Now I don’t know what I expected. Not words of course. But a cheer. A smile. A gasp. But nothing. He looked back down. It stung. Like a tiny bee sting or a poke in the side. But the pain is duller…
Read MoreDo Not Be Ashamed for Getting Help
I committed a pretty big social media mistake once. Well, way more than once since then, but I remember this one specifically because it was my first. It was well over 6 years ago, but I still shake my head at how tone deaf I was. I posted a quote on Instagram to my hundred followers that said something like, ‘I should get a little credit for doing this all unmedicated.’ I thought it was funny, I guess. My followers did not. They lashed out. At first I couldn’t understand…
Read MoreThrough the Rolodex: A Mother’s Reflection on Memories
As a mama I often feel like my mind is a Rolodex of memories. With four babies, I have so many of them. Births to birthdays, first smiles to first steps. Preschool graduation. Home runs. Road-trips. Some are readily available. Resurfacing often, bringing simultaneous smiles and tear to my eyes. But others, they are buried down deep, seemingly forgotten, until something reminds me. A sound. A smell. Another child. My younger babies doing what the now older ones once did. And there it is. A memory of something not forgotten.…
Read MoreApples and Oranges: Navigating Daily Grief and Gratitude
My 13-year-old son Declan is non-speaking, autistic and uses an AAC device to communicate. We haven’t moved at all yet Declan is in seventh grade and has already attended twelve different schools. That is a lot of change for someone who doesn’t tolerate routine change well. We love our special education co-op but the lack of a physical school or local classmates takes a giant toll. I wish we had a regular school community and I had the support of parent peers. Overall, we are really isolated. It’s taken me…
Read MoreWalking Hand in Hand with My Son at the Zoo
Yesterday, I went on a field trip to the Minnesota Zoo with my oldest son Cooper and his class. It was pretty amazing really. He is 13 and autistic and it’s a really big deal that his class goes on field trips because not all special education programs do. But it’s so good. It’s so good for the kids and the community and the businesses and the parents. Cooper and I walked together every second of the way. We held hands or he held onto my arm. He was never…
Read MoreThe Weight of Autism
When I think about that little newborn baby—the first one I birthed, the first true obsession of my life—I recall the haze of sleepless nights and the excitement of new life. Babies are so raw and new; they wholly need you. You carry them and everything they will one day become. The fears, the worries, the hope, the determination. He matters merely because he exists, and to exist is a miracle on its own. Looking at that tiny being, my expectations were simple: health and happiness. But that little baby,…
Read MoreI Wonder if You Will Always Need Me This Much
My son, I wonder if you will always reach for my hand when we are walking. I wonder if you will always be precious and innocent. I wonder if you will always gasp at birds and at squirrels. I wonder if you will always point to airplanes. And wave to strangers. And bark when puppies walk by. I wonder if you will always run up to a mud puddle with such joy and excitement and then look back to get my attention before you jump in. I wonder if we…
Read MoreSeemingly Simple Mundane Moments
It’s 64 degrees out today. In April. In Minnesota. The pool is set at 80 degrees. We opened it this weekend. Our second son Sawyer has had multiple friends over to play. They jump. They shoot hoops. They talk baseball and hockey and Fortnite and girls. Our third son Harbor doesn’t leave their side. Not even for a second. He is a shadow to these older boys. I listen. And read. And smile. And referee. And judge jumps. And Cooper, my oldest, he is right there with them. He is…
Read MoreFour Kids, One Autism Diagnosis: Finding Beauty in the Unexpected
I never thought I would have four kids. I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared that before. I thought two, maybe three. But four? It still surprises me sometimes. Four is loud. Four is chaotic. Four is wonderful. Four is fulfilling. A few days ago on Easter I woke up first. Which most definitely surprised me because as my two middles went to sleep last night I heard them plotting to wake up early to catch the Easter bunny. As I got the coffee going my third son came downstairs.…
Read MoreA Walk with Sawyer: Parenthood’s Unexpected Turns
I took two of my kids on a walk this morning. It’s our first real spring like day in Minnesota. Sawyer rode his bike and I pushed the little one in the stroller. Five minutes in, Sawyer’s bike tire popped. Like dramatically. Like in a cartoon. WHOOOSH the air blew out. His face fell. A popped tire was not in his plans. I told him that we would park his bike in the neighbor’s yard so we could get our walk in. As his mom, I knew his wiggles needed…
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