My Third Born

I have four kids. They range from 1 to 11. And while they are all carbon copies of each other visually, they are each very unique. When I describe them I often say my Cooper, he sees people. He has the gift of sight that most will never have. I describe my Sawyer as being an old soul. He is thoughtful and kind. My baby, she is stronger willed than any human I have met in my life. And she’s unbelievably smart. She runs this house at 17 months. And…

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He Loves You Kiddo

He loves you kiddo.  I know it’s hard to see since he doesn’t care too much to play with you.  Closing in on 5 years old, and missing half your school year, you need a lot more socialization than you get from a brother with autism, work from home dad, and the homeschooling/teletherapy/snack juggling mom.  You often ask why your brother doesn’t talk or play, won’t ride bikes, and tears down forts once you build them. I overhear you trying to play, and I can’t truly describe what it feels…

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Yet, I Worried

Imagine living each day surrounded by reminders of the challenges you face. School, and therapy, and even Mom and Dad, all well-intentioned but whose best efforts revolve a great deal around examining those challenges, and how best to address them. And then there’s baby sissy. Who by all accounts doesn’t understand that Leo is considered “different” by some. She doesn’t see challenges, delays, or stims, or even lack of language as a negative…Instead, she hangs on every one of his vocalizations. Every stim and every move he makes. She doesn’t…

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Conversations with a 4-year-old About her Brother’s Autism

A few months ago, Charlie, my 4-year-old daughter, yelled from across the room, “Mommy, look!” Her older brother, who doesn’t tend to pay her much attention, was hugging her.  She said, “Does this mean he loves me now?” My heart broke.  Confession: I am a bit of a hypocrite. I advocate for autism awareness and everyone talking to their children about autism and I really hadn’t done it myself with my neurotypical child. We talk about differences and kindness and why everyone we meet is special, but we hadn’t had…

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I’m not the Fun Parent

I had a long talk with my son’s teacher last night at conferences about reading and math and wiggle breaks and how much I value my son’s kindness and heart above all. After that we spoke about much he is motivated by doing activities with his dad. I sorta smiled. And snickered. See, I’ve been noticing that too in his school work. His creative writing stories and drawings all include Dad and ice fishing and hockey and baseball. His teacher said, ‘trust me Kate, I know how much mom’s do.’…

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Must Love Autism

“Do you have any siblings?”  It’s a classic first date question, and rightfully so — it’s simple and seemingly painless to answer. It leads to an easy conversation. I can’t blame anyone for asking.  “Yep, I have a younger brother, Alex,” I’ll reply.  The follow-up question is almost always the same.  “How old is he?” “He’s 23. We’re almost exactly 18 months apart. He has autism,” I always add quickly.  As soon as I say it I wait for the reaction. A lot of the time people respond by listing…

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The Questionnaires Still Sting

My son Jayden has settled into school and he is doing amazing. I am still pinching myself every day when I drop him off.  We are now starting to incorporate the other therapies Jayden needs back into his new schedule.  It is official. I have received my mountain of paperwork.  All I have to say is, WOW!  Jayden is eight and some of the questionnaires are still completely brutal to complete.  I really thought at this point the questions would be less cumbersome or I would be used to the…

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Baby Harbor

This is baby Harbor. The third baby. The third boy. The third little thief of sleep and sanity. He will be 16 months in just a few days. He is walking, talking, eating with a fork, playing hockey and incredibly curious. Of all three of my boys, he is the busiest. He wants to know how things work. Like the toilet. And Kleenex boxes. And mud puddles. He is also a terrible sleeper. And sick a lot. And he has the best hair. Like ever. Think Garth from Wayne’s World.…

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I Have to Grow Up Mama

Last night my seven year old had a hockey play date at the neighbor’s house. He hit pucks and went wild and skated while the snow fell down. I know because I saw a Snapchat that his father sent me. I was home with Cooper and the baby playing puzzles and cars and arguing about snacks and the volume of an iPad. As 9 pm approached, I started the bedtime process with two of my boys. Cooper immediately pointed to the front door and said, ‘SSSSAAAAWWWWEEEERRR.’ I told him little…

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The Little Brother with the Old Soul

Today is Sawyer’s seventh birthday. Which is a really big deal. But honestly, what he said to me this afternoon makes it even more special. We had arrived at Cooper’s school to pick him up for the day. It was Jamie, Sawyer, the baby and I. Cooper came running out. All excited. His therapist said we have something to say to Sawyer. Cooper was jumping up and down and clumsily pushed a button on his speech device. ‘Happy Birthday!’ the automated voice said. Then he giggled and clapped. ‘Thanks buddy’…

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