Posts Tagged ‘severe autism’
A Letter to My Little Brother
Hey brother, I’m hoping that someday I can say this all to you. But there is a chance that I might never be able to…I’m hoping that when you are older you will read this and understand. I know I confuse you. I’m so loud. I flap my arms. I don’t notice toys. Or play sports. Or like to leave our house. I don’t have any friends. Or really pay any attention to you either. I just like mom and dad. I don’t play like you. I have never ridden…
Read MoreWhat We Won’t Do For Our Kids
When I have kids they will never… Remember those thoughts? From before you had children of your own? I had them for sure. My two favorites were…I will never have dirty car seats because my babies will never eat in my car. And my kids will never have snotty noses. Of course I didn’t have one kid, let alone three at that time. I laugh at that now as I hand food back to a screaming child and clean goldfish pieces from my floor mats. And as I use my…
Read MoreFathers and First-Borns
Jamie is often asked by dads of newly diagnosed boys…’was it hard not having the typical experiences with your first born?’ Jamie is so honest about it. So matter of fact with his answer. He doesn’t sugar coat it. Or dance around with his answers. He’ll talk about pitching baseballs with his own father. For hours and hours. Day after day. He will tell stories of jumping his bike, catching fish and camping. He will go on and on about his old man being his best friend for so many…
Read MoreWhen Vacationing Is “Brave”
‘You’re so brave for going on vacation without your kids. I could never do that as a mother.’ Hold up. Stop the train. What a thing to read at 3 am. That is what we call a backhanded compliment. I get them all the time. But this one, well, it struck a nerve. See, I did go on vacation. I abandoned my three sweet boys and husband to go to Disney for four blissful days. I pushed pause on my own work, canceled therapy appointments and organized what I could…
Read MoreWhat Autism Took From Me
It’s hard to write this — As I look at our wedding photo from 31 years ago, I almost don’t recognize the woman in the photo. I can’t help but think what autism took from me…from us. There were so many years I spent my nights sitting in front of my computer, trying to find a way to help our son. I lost count of how many hours I spent. I was going to help him even if it meant I lost you. I couldn’t do both and I hoped…
Read MoreThe Path to Normal
A few evenings ago I finally took the leap and joined an online Autism support group that I’ve been eyeing up for a very long time. It’s a smaller, more personal support community called Coops Troops, filled with interviews, live chats, videos, supports and resources for a small monthly fee. I had put off signing up for so long and kept finding myself pulled back to it; Coronavirus isolation pushed me to jump on it. So I leapt, finally, and with much excitement. I did not know that I was…
Read MoreMy Sweet Boy, Mama is Happy
My Sweet Boy, Last night we went for a walk around the neighborhood. It was supposed to be me, you, your two brothers and Dad. A family walk. But, well, it didn’t go as planned. But what does these days I guess. If autism and a global pandemic has taught us one thing it’s…’hold on.’ I wouldn’t say it’s been all bad though. I would even dare to say that our family has gotten stronger through all of this. Spending 24 hours a day together for eternity will do that.…
Read MoreDon’t Take Mom For Granted
I’ve heard it so many times. “Just wait until they start talking, you’ll just want them to be quiet”. I see memes like this and while I know it’s said in good humor, it’s also a little heartbreaking. Not everyone hears “mom”. Some children are deaf, non-communicative, non-verbal…parents lose children every day, and would give their whole life just to hear “mom” one more time. My daughter doesn’t have a name for me. The last time she said “mama” she was 10 months old. In fact, neither of my kids…
Read MoreI Know People Watch Us
I know people watch us. I know because I see their faces dart away when I meet there eyes. What they don’t know is if they kept looking, if they met my eyes, they’d see I was smiling. They’d see that I was inviting them in our secret world. Cooper and I just went for our first walk of the year. It’s 45 degrees today in Minnesota. That’s practically summer for us. And also a temperature that Cooper has deemed warm enough to venture outside. Typically, it’s like pulling teeth…
Read MoreWhy I Exercise…
The message said something like…‘why are women like you so obsessed with being skinny? I just don’t get it. And I have three kids. I don’t have time to go to the gym.’ It went on from there. They always do. I’ve been thinking about that message for days now. Especially every single time I squeeze my fat ass into jeans that are too tight or feel my bra fat bulge when I pick up one of my kids. Being shamed for exercising. That’s new one. Heck yes I want…
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