Posts Tagged ‘mother’
Mom, I Can Never Thank You Enough
You know the saying, “It takes a village.” Well, now I totally get it. Being a Mom is no walk in the park. You are constantly doing for everybody else, and rarely have time for yourself. I went the whole weekend without showering. I even skipped dinner and didn’t realize until I was starving at 10pm. Mom brain is in full force, at all times! So, on the days when I feel like I am at my weakest, and I get a random call from my Mom asking if Harper…
Read MoreWhen It’s Time to Get Healthy
All my life I’ve been in relatively good shape. My weight would fluctuate ten pounds or so but always manageable. A low calorie and exercise worked for me. Even after my first two babies were born. But everything seemed to change after the birth of my third baby. I am 36, tired and I know I need to lose weight. But part of me is too exhausted to care. I can’t seem to find any energy. Three boys, severe autism, stress, and not sleeping through the night is working against…
Read MorePrecious as a Prayer
I sit and watch you after you have fallen asleep. I am in awe of how much you’ve grown. I sometimes mistaken you for your big sisters (now you weigh the same), and I pull back with fear. You see, sweet child, I have come to terms you will always be my baby. I will always protect you and sing you your favorite lullaby in loop mode. I will always be there to help you eat your breakfast and remind you the food is hot, and to use your fork, not…
Read MoreWhen People Stare at you
I used to get so upset when people stared at you. You’d be flapping. Or making happy noises. Screeches. Grunts. High pitched screams. One second you’d be on the floor and the next running only to drop to the ground, roll, laugh and pat the ground. Or you’d be melting down. Screaming. Either way it almost sounds the same. Loud. I’d look around. Make eye contact. And look away. I’d think in my head, stop. Stop Cooper. Stop drawing attention to yourself. To us. Everyone knows. But it’s not for…
Read MoreI Never Knew Being a Mother Would be so Hard for Me
I always wanted to be a mom. Heck, I think I played babies and house until I was a tween. After that it was babysitting. And then working with kids in college. Thankfully, I was blessed with three beautiful boys. They are loud, wild, healthy and each perfectly exhausting in their own way. I am the lucky one. I know that. But three kids is a lot. Working, running a house, a baby, breastfeeding, cooking, cleaning, and so on. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom.…
Read MoreWill you just be my Mom Now?
I remember distinctively being a little girl and being so excited to sleep in my mom’s big bed when my dad went out of town. It was such a treat. It was the best part of him going on a trip. My son Sawyer now feels the same way. Last night, as I was putting all three boys to bed, Sawyer said to me, ‘Mom, since dad is gone, can I sleep with you?’ I still had a dozen things to do before bed so I said maybe. I said…
Read MoreAn Autism Mom’s Perspective on 20 Years
Twenty years…How can it be two decades since you came into this world with a hail storm in June? No kidding. On June 4, 1999 my sweet Jake was making his debut into this world unremarkable, when somewhere around 4:15pm, the sky got dark, and as everyone in the room noticed began to peer out the window, a hail storm came, with thunder and lightening… Then, the sun came out, and minutes later you were born…my sweet, Jake Timothy Helms was born, 4:40pm 9 lbs 3 oz.. On that very…
Read MoreMy Most Important Lesson
I know two things to be true: My son has severe, debilitating anxiety. And, it’s not his fault. I want to say that to you again. So it sinks in. And while I do, I want you to picture our family. Jamie, me, the boys. Out in the community. Sawyer playing. The baby in his stroller. And one of us holding Cooper. Or chasing Cooper. It’s clear that he is struggling. It’s clear that we aren’t enjoying ourselves. Maybe we asked him to walk to the car. Or turn right…
Read MoreHere I am Again
Quietly I sit listening to the silence of our home. I hear the peaceful sounds of my family’s dreams. Yet here I sit. Wide eyed with an exhausted body and mind. How could I shut my eyes when all I see are my fears of his unknown future? Worrying. Praying. Researching. Learning. This is my time. My time the thoughts I push away in the daylight creep in. I hate how they settle in for the night and determine their own curfew—when to call it good and let my mind…
Read MoreMy New Dreams as a Mother
I have two amazing daughters. Claudia is 15 and Keira is 13. They both are beautiful. They both have crazy curly red hair. And they both have Autism. A spectrum disorder that affects individuals differently and in varying degrees. They may share this diagnosis but in most ways couldn’t be more different. My Claudia has severe non verbal autism. She didn’t say her first real word until age 7. She still has toileting issues and needs assistance with every aspect of life. She rarely sleeps through the night and is…
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