Posts Tagged ‘forever’
We Get Forever Together
This morning I was trying to distract your baby brother by doing This Little Piggy on his toes. I was exhausted. You had been up since 3:45 AM and the baby had been up 4 times throughout the night. It was safe to say mama was not in the best mood. But you boys were. Happy as can be. Loud. Running. Laughing. Getting into everything. I grabbed your brother and plopped him up in the chair and started saying the words in my overly dramatic way. ‘This LITTLE piggy went…
Read MoreI Need You To Promise Me
A glimpse inside the secret world of special needs parenting: I was packing for my first trip away from my boys in ages. My husband was watching the game. I was mindlessly throwing stuff in a bag. Rushed of course. Drinking a glass of wine. Worrying. Rushing. I was talking through my time away. The schedule and such. Cooper has speech therapy on Tuesday and Friday. Sawyer has hockey on Wednesday and Saturday. Don’t forget Cooper’s meds. The baby has daycare these days. Don’t forget his butt cream. I was…
Read MoreWhen Forever Hits You…
I just went for a run. My first run in years. It was terrible. 85 degrees out. Sunny. No breeze. I ran for 30 minutes. I didn’t stop. I cursed myself a few times. I’m 36. And I let myself get this out of shape. I used to run. I used to exercise. But then life got too hard. Too busy. My legs felt like concrete. I was going so slow at times I waited for people to pass me. But I did it. I didn’t make any excuses. Like…
Read MoreBut I Want for Something
Jamie and I had one of those weekends as parents. You know, one that just depletes you. Where you wave the white flag, but quickly realize no one seems to care and that you are the adults and you just need to survive. We have a sick baby. A really, really sick baby who isn’t sleeping. Sawyer had three hockey games. That I had to miss. Which made me feel terrible. Cooper’s anti-anxiety medication seems to be leveling out again. Just like everything else we have tried over the years,…
Read MoreSometimes it Really Hits Me
Autism has been a part of my life for 20 years. I have 2 sons with Autism. I feel like I know it well. I’m comfortable now. I’m in a groove. There were hard, hard days for many years. Sleepless nights (literally); stress, grief, and confusion as to how to navigate this new life. I remember one day in particular during Spring Break….my kids were home from school, and I was literally loosing my mind. My son was in rare form. I couldn’t leave him alone for 2 seconds. After…
Read MoreOur World is Different
This morning you woke me up. The same way you do every single day. You come puttering in. Heavy feet. Full hands. Already giggling. You stand next to my face. You touch my cheek. Although you know that I am already awake. My mind and heart are so in tune to you Cooper that I swear I know the second you open your eyes. I joke that we are like an old married couple. You put my glasses on my face. And put my phone in my hand. And you…
Read MoreLiving in the Present as an Autism Mom
“Is he going to be like this forever?” My seven-year-old niece was quiet and hesitant with her inquiry. Her mom and dad have talked to her about my son’s autism and I was thrilled when they told me that she had some questions for me. I love spreading autism awareness. I especially love talking about my sweet boy and all of the unique, wonderful and challenging pieces that come together to make him so very special. I could barely contain my excitement that someone so young was taking an interest…
Read MoreWhat About After Forever Mom?
Last night I took Sawyer to pick out gift bag goodies for his birthday party. He had so much to say. Riding in the car produces some of my favorite memories with Sawyer. ‘Which is more mom? 16 or 14?’ 16 bud. ‘What is 6 plus 4? It’s 10 mom. How did you not know that?’ I did know that Sawyer. You didn’t let me answer. ‘What friends are coming to my birthday party on Saturday? Wait, let me say their names.’ ‘Lucas, Derek, Braden, Kellen….pause. Mom, did you know…
Read MoreAt Least He’s Not Dying
“My coworker says to me “Well at least he’s not dying.” She meant it with good intentions I’m sure. But it stung. I was in fact mourning the loss of the life I thought my son would have. Would he ever talk to me? Would he ever go to preschool? Would he ever make it to high school? Would he drive? Fall in love? Have a family of his own? “At least he’s not dying” it still burns. Maybe I’m being selfish. Maybe I am being ungrateful. My son is…
Read MoreThe Parts I Wasn’t Prepared For…
When my son was diagnosed with autism at age three, I was initially devastated. I think that’s normal for a parent. The word was big and scary. It made me feel out of control. It made me feel helpless. I knew nothing about autism. Or where to begin. Or even what the future held. I felt that way for at least a year. But once the dust settled, I dove in. My kid was awesome. He was adorable and smart. He just needed more time. More help. Autism didn’t change…
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