Seeing Your Words on a Computer Screen

I wrote a post a few weeks ago about depression. I didn’t really share it around. I kept it kinda private. It’s very hard to be honest in real life about depression. Even today as I read my repost on Breaking the Parenting Mold I struggle to believe I really wrote those words. They are pretty raw. And vulnerable. I am almost embarrassed by them. And worried that people are going to judge me. But, sigh, they are the truth. And I worry about sharing them. Here is the post:…

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Preparing for an ASD Halloween….

Holidays are an interesting time for a parent of a child with Autism. And each holiday comes with it’s own unique challenges. There is also the fine line of….’how much do we actually participate?’ Cooper doesn’t understand Halloween. Or costumes. Or Trick-Or-Treating. For starters he is the least greedy kid ever….he will get one piece of candy and be great for the rest of the night. He doesn’t like to walk so the idea of walking from house to house is ridiculous. He would need to be carried or put…

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This is Beautiful. From a 10-year-old Boy with Autism.

I was scrolling through Facebook today and this post jumped out at me. Let me preface by saying that at one point I liked so many autism type blogs and organizations that now my whole dang news feed is autism. I’ll be honest. That’s depressing. I’ve actually started unfollowing some. It just got to be too much. This one jumped out at me by the National Autism Association. A mother writes, “My 10 year old son with Asperger’s was asked to write a poem for school titled ‘I Am‘ he…

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When The Caregiver Gets Depressed

There is a stigma around depression. A really, really ugly one. And I think there is especially a stigma around mother’s who have depression. If you are depressed you are weak. You are broken. You are medicated. You cry a lot. You sleep a lot. This isn’t true. At least not for me. I am not weak. I am freakishly independent. I am not broken…completely. I am not medicated. And I rarely sleep. In saying that…. I just came out of an extremely low few days. Sadness is not an…

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The Uphill Battle of Being a Caregiver

I cried on my way to work this morning. Not because I was sad.  I cried because being Cooper’s mom turns me into someone I don’t like. I feel trapped. And alone. And so utterly overwhelmed. And like I need to make threats to make his life easier. I don’t ever feel like I’m doing enough. Or the right thing. The special education system is a constant uphill fight with a 200 lb pack on your back and no food or water. Nothing comes easy. Not one part of it.…

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A Thankless Job

Yesterday we had another weekly visit from Cooper’s crisis social worker. It was great as usual. We laughed and told stories and talked about ways to help Cooper. More specifically ways to make life easier. I mentioned how the week before the electricity was out at the house and I lasted 15 minutes before I threw him the truck to watch a movie. That kid cannot survive without technology. In a 15 minute period he melted completely down over no WI-FI, useless remotes, VCR’s, DVD players, TV’s, kindles, etc. It…

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Why Is Honesty Perceived As Negativity?

Hi all, I wanted to share this post from a fellow autism parent and blogger. I read his posts often and rarely has something resonated so deeply with me. Click to read Losing Hope Is Not A Bad Thing by Autism Daddy. When people ask me if I think Cooper is going to talk one day I used to say….YES. And then slowly I switched to MAYBE. And lately I say a no. People usually look at me with a weird look or scold me or tell me to be…

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Most Of All, I Teach You Giving

This. Always this. I do not gift you with clever conversation, cute remarks to be laughed over and repeated. If you allow me, I will teach you what is really important in life. I gift you with my innocent trust, my dependency upon you. I teach you giving. Most of all, I teach you hope and faith.

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The Hitting Has Begun

I have been blogging about Cooper for a few years now. Since the beginning I’ve received more emails than I can count from autism parents who have teenagers. The emails always start the same way. They say they have a teenager who was just like Cooper. And they tell me about the diagnosis and the process and the where they are currently in the journey. And then they go onto tell me that their daughter or son started hitting and kicking and exhibiting really aggressive behaviors. I’ve read enough of…

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Cooper Has The Kind Of Autism No One Talks About

I stumbled across a post today on Facebook titled, ‘My Son Has The Kind Of Autism No One Talks About-Term Life’. “Because for every boy with autism who manages his high school basketball team, there are 20 boys with autism who smear feces. And for every girl with autism who gets to be on the homecoming court, there are 30 girls with autism who pull out their hair and bite their arms until they bleed. And for every boy with autism who gets to go the prom, there are 50…

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