Why Is Honesty Perceived As Negativity?

Hi all,

I wanted to share this post from a fellow autism parent and blogger. I read his posts often and rarely has something resonated so deeply with me.

Click to read Losing Hope Is Not A Bad Thing by Autism Daddy.

When people ask me if I think Cooper is going to talk one day I used to say….YES. And then slowly I switched to MAYBE. And lately I say a no. People usually look at me with a weird look or scold me or tell me to be positive. Or tell me to have faith in God or not to lose hope.

It’s funny though. I am the least negative person you will ever meet. Every single day I wake up and put my big girl autism fighting pants on just like all the other parents.

Why is my honesty perceived as negativity? It’s ok to be real people. Being honest is allowed.

I refuse to wrap Cooper’s autism up in a big red bow for people. It’s scary and sad and ugly a lot of the times. And that’s OK.

I would have lost my mind a long time ago if I was truly waiting for him to speak. I would be so sad thinking about all the words and moments I was missing. I wouldn’t be sane.

I am honest now. I am real. And I feel a lot more free. Instead of thinking about him speaking I think about communication devices. I think about nonverbal communication. I think about helping him find comfort and joy and peace.

Losing hope in Cooper speaking is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. It freed me. 

Go read Autism Daddy’s post. It’s a good one.


Avatar photo

Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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  1. miriamgwynne on June 30, 2016 at 7:57 pm

    We’re on the same page just now 🙂

  2. Cupofjackie on June 30, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    Acceptance for what is our reality now, today, in this very moment is the best thing we can do for ourselves. It doesn’t do us any good to speculate about what could become our reality tomorrow or next year or 20 years from now. It’s only when we resist and fight reality (and what is) that we suffer more. That’s why they say “the truth shall set you free.” That is how I see it anyway. I think you are an amazing, honest mother!

  3. NickyB. on June 30, 2016 at 9:18 pm

    Thanks for being so real and honest!

  4. marie claire santangelo on July 4, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    Thanks for sharing your story with such honesty. I think you would enjoy reading this blog, it’s by the mother of a non verbal child who found her voice. http://niederfamily.blogspot.it/

    • Avatar photo findingcoopersvoice on July 21, 2016 at 7:05 pm

      Thank you! That blog is amazing. Her family definitely inspired me.

  5. Ken Lilly on July 6, 2016 at 9:07 pm

    I get that a lot, a LOT. That I am negative when in fact I am simply realistic. I am ironically more hopeful than most when it comes to the things we fight for when it comes to my son. Good post and good referral.