Your Ups And Downs

Some days I wish I could just press reset. Or snap my fingers and make life easier for you. But I can’t. It doesn’t work that way. Instead it feels like ups and downs. Today you had an amazing speech session. The best in months! I think we gave you a hundred high fives. But then when it was over you dropped to the ground in the lobby and refused to get up. It was hard. It was over paper. You also kept a bandaid on your toes. You are…

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The Future Of Autism

When my son’s autism was discovered at age three, I focused on the present. I dove into getting him all the help he needed. And our family too. When he was six, I started to think about the future. About forever. But I wasn’t ready yet. And many people told me not to think about it. They told me to wait. To take it day by day. Now that he’s nine, almost double digits, I can see the future with some sort of accuracy. I like to say we all…

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Well-Child Visit

This little guy and I just came from his 18-month well-child visit. He’s 22 months actually so I was late. But only by four months. Not too bad if you ask me. I blame Covid. But really it’s because life is crazy and he’s healthy and we are all thankful to be able to avoid the doctor’s office right now. I have two other boys too. Cooper is 9. Sawyer is 7. I don’t remember any of Sawyer’s baby visits. I think because they were easy. He was easy. He…

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The Things I Wonder

Kid, I spend a lot of time thinking about the things you cannot tell me. There are little things. Like why you point to certain clouds or put your ear up to the wind and laugh. There are big things too. Like why you hit your head in frustration. Does it hurt? Do you hear something I cannot? I wonder why you like trains so much. I wonder why you carry the DVD cases but don’t watch the movies. I wonder if you are lonely. I wonder if you get…

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Cooper’s Treasures

See these things in my son’s hands? Most would probably call it junk. Or even garbage. To my son…it’s treasure. It’s nine pieces of construction paper. Two pages from a calendar. Four pages from a train guide book. 11 pages from a vintage train magazine. 12 empty DVD cases. These are his things. I told him to get ready for speech. He grabbed the necessities. They go everywhere we go. They go to the bathroom and to his bed. From couch to floor. They eat dinner with us. And if…

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30 Words

Since Covid started, and the world changed, me and a whole other bunch of parents have been trying to explain the unique ways it has impacted kids with special needs. We speak of loss of services and supports. We share stories of regressions and loss of skills. Some dare even share the harder parts. Often our stories are met with sympathy. Some shame. But we keep talking. We keep trying to get the world to see the hidden children. A few days ago it dawned on me that my son…

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This Is Regression

I can’t tell you the last time this kid and I did a puzzle. It’s been a few months at least. I have a dozen excuses why. It’s summer and playing outside with a hose is way better. Covid hit and life got turned absolutely upside down and inside out. I am writing a book. Jamie is running a business. Sawyer is playing hockey and golf and flag football. The baby never stops moving. Then there is homeschooling. I’m not good at it. I want to be clear. It is…

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Finding Your Best Life

My son, you matter. I feel the need to say that today. Loudly. To all of these people who read about you. Who love you and want to learn about you. Not to remind myself. Or you. Because I know you are amazing. I know you love trains and paper and the movie Alpha and Omega. You sleep with six blankets every night and hug your brother every morning and like your chicken nuggets cut up. You love mail. And Amazon. And making noise. You are a person. A human.…

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To My Son’s Hopefully ‘Never Needed’ Caregiver

Have you written a letter of intent yet? It is a letter written to the person who will take your child if something happens to you. Here is mine… To whom it may concern; Except you’re no random person. You were carefully and specifically asked to take on this huge responsibility. It will undoubtedly be the hardest thing you’ve ever done as it has been for us, and there is an immeasurable amount of gratitude and thanks to be given to you. But I’m sure that’s already been taken care…

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Today Was A Good Day

Many of you have reached out and asked how Cooper is doing. Thank you! He is amazing. He is struggling but he’s coming out the other side and that is what matters. He works hard to be in a world that doesn’t always understand him or make sense to him. And that’s amazing. The last two weeks have been all hands on deck. But the last two days have been happier for him. And that’s what matters. Today was a good day. Today he snuggled with his grandma and watched…

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