Your Ups And Downs

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Some days I wish I could just press reset. Or snap my fingers and make life easier for you. But I can’t. It doesn’t work that way.

Instead it feels like ups and downs.

Today you had an amazing speech session. The best in months! I think we gave you a hundred high fives. But then when it was over you dropped to the ground in the lobby and refused to get up. It was hard. It was over paper.

You also kept a bandaid on your toes. You are picking right now and I don’t know how to stop it. But you are trying to stop. I see it bud. It kills me though. I feel like my heart is breaking when I see you in pain.

You dressed yourself this morning! Huge. I remember a time when I didn’t know if you’d ever be able to do that. You amaze me daily.

You kicked your baby brother pretty hard tonight at baseball in the on-deck circle. You laid there for 10 minutes after. We were the center of attention. Harbor crying. You crying. It was awful. I won’t lie. Those moments deplete me sometimes. I just don’t understand why you hurt.

I gave you the option to go home after we talked it through but you told me you wanted to hit the ball. So we stayed. And you did! Twice! We ran the bases and double high five-low-five-chest bumped. Because you are awesome.

You said new words today. You hit yourself in the head pretty hard. You got a trophy for baseball. I missed your brother’s first football practice.

We have these huge ups and downs. Ginormous swings. Sad. Happy. Frustrated. Joyful. I think we are both tired.

But we keep going. And get ice cream at Dairy Queen after. We try to end every day on an up swing. Because I know it will carry us with gratitude into the next day.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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