Navigating the Autism Maze

When I first learned our sweet, beautiful daughter had autism I felt as if a tsunami had swept me up, taking with it my family’s happiness and peace. I thought from here on, our life would be limited to therapies and hardships. I was frightened and uncertain about our now shaky future. Would our almost three year old daughter ever be able to fully communicate? What type of relationship could she and I have as she grew older? She blends in now, but what sort of behaviors might she develop…

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Letting him Experience Life without Me

This one. This one right here. He was the little for almost six years. Now he’s the middle. In a way he’s always been the oldest. He knows that. I know that. It used to be unspoken about. Until one day he asked me. He said, ‘I’m the older brother, aren’t I mom?’ I smiled. I cried. I hugged him. He knew. He loves fishing, riding bike, playing baseball and hockey. He loves being away from home. Being gone. Doing stuff. Socializing. He has no time for movies or iPads.…

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I’m Not Scared Anymore

My dear, sweet Harper. Where do I even begin. You were my first born, my first true love. When I found out that I was pregnant, I thought about all of the things that you would do. I wondered what you would be like. Would you be smart like your Daddy, sassy like your Mama? Would you play t-ball, go to dances, have a girlfriend, go to college, get married, have children of your own? I pictured it all. In my head…I could see it. I could see you, out…

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What’s Best for Jack? A Silent Graduation.

When Jack Higgins’ high school graduation approached, his parents, Barbara and Patrick Higgins, wanted him to attend. Like my son Cooper, Jack, 21, has severe autism. His parents worried that he’d struggle at a loud, crowded event. But, the Higgins dreamed of seeing their son walk across the stage and receive his high school diploma. I have this same exact dream. And while my son is only 8, in many ways I’ve accepted the possibility it may never happen. “When you have a severe disability, like Jack does, you miss…

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You Must Love Him Differently

‘You must love him differently,’ she said. I looked at her curiously when she said that. ‘Why?’ I asked. ‘Because he needs you so much more than the other two. Because of the autism.’ I didn’t know what to say at first. She went there. Without fear. Without hesitation. I smiled and said, ‘I love him because he’s mine. I don’t love him any more or less or any different than his brothers. Autism has never changed a thing with my love for him.’ I love him because he made…

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What if the Danger to Yourself is You?

With your brother Sawyer, I can fix everything with a Band-Aid and a hug. He falls off of his scooter? A Band-Aid, a kiss and a hug will do the trick. It’s all textbook. He’s six years old going on 12. His world is bike riding, baseball, friends and BeyBlades. His world doesn’t make sense to you. But with you Cooper, the problems are so different. You’ve never fallen off a bike. You’ve never had a friend steal your toy. You’ve never skinned your knees. Not only do you refuse…

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Age is Just a Number in Our World

You were sitting on the floor. Near me. You like to be close. But not too close. Just close enough to see me. And know I’m near. I thought before the baby was born that you might struggle with sharing me. I was wrong thankfully. You seem to have no problem with me caring for the baby. As long as I’m close. As long as I’m home. On this beautiful, lazy evening, while you sat sprawled out next to me watching Daniel Tiger, I was playing with your baby brother.…

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We Want You Here

We. Want. You. Here. Four words, 13 letters. Those four words are words that I just recently realized have a huge impact, not just on the recipient, but on the person saying them. As a family, we spent years adapting to autism. We started with Early Intervention when he was 18 months, moved into a public pre-school program when my tiny nonverbal child was just three and could barely walk up and down stairs. We walked circles with his baby brother around Children’s Hospital three days a week for two…

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People with Disabilities can be Paid as Little as $1 an Hour; And it’s Legal

When I think about my son’s future, it’s pretty unknown at this point. As of right now, he doesn’t attend public education. Instead he receives full-time therapy that teaches him skills like sitting, stopping, listening, and playing. It’s the best place for him. And he is thriving. But, when we said goodbye to public education, we also said goodbye to the typical path. If he stays where he is…he won’t graduate from high school. I’ve accepted it’s a possibility. But that doesn’t make it any easier on this mama’s heart.…

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We Aren’t Excluded but we Aren’t Exactly Included Either

I was talking with a friend the other day. I was telling her how summers can be so hard on our family. In a way, part of me actually dreads them. Our friends, family and neighbors are so busy. We hear about it. We see it on Facebook. Pictures. Stories. They are traveling to Disney. Going to summer festivals. Grabbing candy at parades. Attending baseball games. Going for bike rides. Visiting the latest waterpark. On Facebook it seems so effortless. And while I know that everyone has struggles, I’m not…

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