Posts Tagged ‘ASD’
The Transition from Child to Caregiver
I spent the last few days in the hospital with my dad. He is 79. When we are young we think our parents are invincible. We never pause to think that they are getting older. Until they do. Growing up, my dad always seemed so tall. So big. So calm. His motto throughout life has always been, ‘be kind.’ I can remember him saying it to me from a very early age. I never truly understood it’s importance until I had kids of my own. He knew all along. As…
Read MoreOur Family Has Come so Far
One of the things I am practicing lately is reflection. Specifically, reflecting on how much has changed over the years. And how far our family has come. See that boy on the right with the amazing smile and giant yellow egg? His name is Sawyer and he was 4 years old. He is 8 years old now. And this is one of my most favorite pictures of him. It was Easter morning. I remember that Easter vividly. I remember handpicking every item for my boy’s baskets. I remember hiding every…
Read MoreI Don’t Let the Hard Moments Steal My Joy Anymore
Back when I was new to mothering, and new to autism, and also new to challenges outside of my control, I would spend a lot of time wondering and worrying. Wondering why it was so hard and worrying that it would be hard forever. Maybe that’s wrong, I guess I don’t know. That was my path. The why’s would consume me if I let them. Just like the hard moments that accompanied a little boy who struggled in this world. I would dwell on them, long after they were over.…
Read MoreThe Other Side of the Table
Five years ago I became a teacher; five years ago I also became the mother to a son in heaven. August 12th, 2016 I came home from my first new teacher work day. It was exhilarating, and exciting, and for the first time in a long time, I knew I was exactly where I should be. I had no idea that a few short hours later I’d find myself in the hospital in preterm labor with our first child. That same day, we lost our son, Jaxon, at only 21…
Read MoreThe Brightest Sky
Hi. My name is Carrie. I have five kids. My second son, Jack, is diagnosed with autism. I used to think the hardest part of autism was the day we got the actual diagnosis—the day I walked into the cold rain of a November afternoon, and attempted to zip my squirming toddler’s jacket. I was wrong. I’m wrong a lot, if we’re being honest here. The hardest part is now. Sure, a lot of it was hard—the nights when he didn’t sleep, the long days chasing him around and making sure he…
Read MoreI Wonder When You Wander
I wonder when you wander As you pace up and down the hall What it is you’re thinking As you run your fingers along the wall I wonder when you wander When you silently slip away What it is you feel inside As all the others continue to play I wonder when you wander What you want to say When you retreat back into your world To script and script away I wonder when you wander What it is you see When you take off from your safety net When…
Read MoreThis is Acceptance
Let me tell you about a boy I know…His name is Cooper. Today, we had a party in our front yard and we celebrated him. We had ice cream and sprinkles and chocolate syrup and cupcakes. We invited all the kids in the neighborhood and their parents. And we celebrated this boy. The one who was born seeing and hearing and feeling and thinking in his own unique way. Some people tried to tell me that his life was going to be sad and lonely. They told me all of…
Read MoreOn Our 10th World Autism Day, We Celebrate
Today is World Autism Day. This is our 10th one. As my son has gotten older, the meaning of the day has morphed for me. It used to be about education. Today, it’s about celebrating. Celebrating differences, celebrating progress, and celebrating a boy who has climbed far more mountains than I have. And ice cream and dancing. I have three boys. Three crazy, wild, busy, smart boys. Each of them is exactly who they are supposed to be. My oldest is autistic. There are a lot more words used to…
Read MoreI Can’t Imagine Being You
Each time I make a friend, I wonder how long that person will be able to bear the weight of my friendship. In those first moments conversing, I make predictions in my head: We’ll never be more than acquaintances. We’ll be friends for a few months until she figures out how hard it is to be my friend. We’ll be friends for years but she’ll never invite me to her house. (If I stop inviting her to my house, the friendship will end.) Some people offer well-meant platitudes: “Tell me…
Read MoreMore Than Words Can Say
If you had asked me what communication meant five years ago, I would have answered without hesitation, “It’s conversation, talking and listening.” Then my daughter came along and showed me how limited that perception is. Evie is five and a half years old, and was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder three years ago. She doesn’t talk, not the way most people do. She does something called scripting, which for her means using words and phrases memorized from select shows, movies and songs to express herself. She throws them out like…
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