Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’
I’m Learning how to be his Mom
On Saturday morning, at 5:45 am, I casually mentioned to Cooper that I was going to Target at some point. I was chatting away to him when I worked it into the conversation. The words ‘Target’ and ‘birthday party.’ I talk to him all the time like this when we are alone. In the car. Or awake before anyone else gets up. I go on and on. Mostly nonsense really. I talk about the news. And how much I love coffee. I talk about Sawyer’s schedule. And our plans for the…
Read More11 Things I Learned about Autism at Target
My son has been having some pretty big breakthroughs lately. He’s been trying new foods. An apple, a grilled cheese, a hamburger and even his first French fry. He’s been more vocal. Calmer. Happier. His anxiety seems to be going down. All huge wins in our autism world. So, yesterday I asked him if he wanted to go to Target, like I have before. For the last 6 or so years when I ask him if he wants to leave the house the answer is always no. Well, he immediately…
Read MoreAdjustment in Progress: Big Brother, Baby Brother
The nights are the toughest when I’m alone with my boys while my husband is at work. Just now, putting my autistic son to sleep, my almost three-month-old baby boy cries. Gabe, who is six, is instantly anxious. He starts covering his ears, starts humming and whistling loudly. I wait a bit to see if the baby will stop, but he doesn’t. I explain to Gabe that mommy will have to check on the baby. He follows me to the room where the baby is, all the while whistling and…
Read MorePlaying our First Game
Just checking in on this balmy 35 degree spring like afternoon (it’s 80 degrees warmer than it was two days ago) to tell you that I just played a game with my son for the first time ever. Candyland. For years Sawyer and I have played every game you can imagine, and invited Cooper to join us. We’ve begged, bribed, encouraged…you name it…we’ve tried. He’s never once joined. Games aren’t his thing. He also struggles to sit and understand the concept of playing. Well, today, I asked him if he…
Read MoreSawyer’s Sixth Birthday Celebration
Birthdays are a huge deal in our world. Especially when you son turns six years old! I tried to put a spell on him to keep him little forever but I guess I failed. He is growing up. Somedays it feels like it’s happening overnight. The day started very, very early. 4:30 AM to be exact. Cooper decided it was time to start the day. So, I used that time to blow up balloons and decorate Sawyer’s door. View this post on Instagram Mother of the year at…
Read MoreMy Son is Sitting
I snapped this picture after school today. Cooper sitting. A rare sight in our home. Some days we never see it. Not for weeks or even months. We’d joke that he was either awake and running or sleeping and not moving. There was no in between. Not ever. Wait, that’s not true. When he’s really sick. With a fever. Which thankfully has only happened a few times. Then, he sits. And we get really, really worried. Instead my boy runs, rolls, falls, and paces. We joke that he is going…
Read MoreI Feel Helpless at Times
I feel so helpless at times. I wasn’t prepared for that I guess. I am a strong mom. I know that for sure. I am a firm believer that all things can be fixed. If we just work hard enough. Never give up. No situation is helpless. That is what I preach. My son has autism. Or he is autistic. Whichever one you want me to say. I am also supposed to say it makes up who he is. He wouldn’t be him without autism. I think I am supposed…
Read MoreA Simple Card
Last night I did the usual unpacking of my daughter’s school bag, emptied her lunch kit and read her commination book to see how her day was. As I was going through her stuff, I noticed a card ‘’To Mom’’ which threw me as she calls me Jennifer. I opened it up and it was a Christmas card Kya had made for me. I burst into tears. To me it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was also the very first card from Kya. As a…
Read MoreYou Can’t Let Cooper Win
This weekend I shared a photo of Cooper resting after a pretty brutal anxiety attack. You can read about it HERE. I wrote about how our family is at a unique crossroads. We need to figure out how to manage his anxiety, give our other children a normal life and keep our sanity. i said anxiety won. And someone responded with…’you can’t let Cooper win.’ Like he was deliberately sabotaging our family outing. I just shook my head when I read that. Cooper isn’t winning. No one is. We are…
Read MoreAt the Crossroads of Anxiety and Acceptance
Today, our son’s anxiety won. I say that because his anxiety is like it’s own force. It’s a thing. It’s always present. Always lurking under the surface. It always wins. It shuts him down and takes over. We were supposed to take our family to a hotel to celebrate Christmas with our extended family. We made the huge, ginormous mistake of telling Cooper three days before. We needed him to try a swimsuit on to make sure it would fit. We messed up. Not him. He couldn’t handle the anticipation.…
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