A Good Reminder

When Cooper wakes up in the middle of the night and comes to my bed he touches my face. He usually rubs my forehead and lays his hand on my cheek. It is so gentle that sometimes it takes me a second to register he is even there. Although he struggles with social cues, emotions, showing love, controlling his anger, etc., he is hands down the sweetest child I have ever met. I can’t even summarize his innocence with words. I don’t know how people could give up. It’s just…

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Joining the Club

I received an email from a fellow autism parent. It was so raw I actually cried when I read it. I wanted to crawl through the computer and hug this person. It resonated with me so deeply. This person reads my blog so I know they will see that I used their email. I just can’t stop thinking about it. I could have written this myself. I so get it friend. I read it this morning. I actually stumbled across it in my junk mail folder. I almost missed it.…

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Having a Child With Special Needs….

I received Cooper’s Kindergarten packet in the mail a few weeks ago and like it was planned….I promptly lost it.  The packet actually came the exact day that we were moving to our new house. So, you can understand why it got lost. The chaos of moving was too much. And to be honest, I have been dreading that damn packet like the plague. I don’t want Cooper to go to a mainstream kindergarten. It makes me feel completely helpless and out of control.I remember when Cooper was 3 or…

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I Will Carry Cooper For You Mom

Sawyer has started this new thing where he makes sure Cooper is included in everything we do. I’ll say…’we are going swimming tomorrow’. And he will immediately say…’can Cooper go too?’ It’s adorable. And most times the answer is yes. ‘Of course your brother can go.’ But sometimes there are things that Cooper simply cannot do. Sawyer has a memory of going to the fair last summer that he talks about often. Last night he asked me….’MOM, can we go to the fair soon?’ And I said…’yes, but we have…

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Deciding to Be Brave

I had a friend ask me yesterday what made me decide to be brave. I love that question. I don’t feel brave. Ever. I feel afraid. And unheard. And lost. And completely unprepared and unequipped to handle what autism is throwing my way. But this sweet friend of mine saw it as bravery. And I loved her for it. I was filling her in on the whirlwind of the last week. I had my mini meltdown at Cooper’s pediatrician. I demanded that he helped me. I was a cross between…

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Not Artistic…AUTISTIC!

Cooper’s stomach issues are returning in full force. Although his demeanor is as sunny as usual he still isn’t pooping. Sigh. I am doing my part. I am being diligent with increasing his water intake, removing junk from his diet, introducing new foods, etc. When I choose a battle I stick with it. And it’s working. So great. But as of yesterday he hadn’t pooped in 5 five days and even started waking up in the middle of the night again. So, that tells me that although diet is important,…

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I Am Not Above Bribery

Over the weekend I made a plan. I prioritized my mountains and I decided to put personal things on the back burner for a bit. I don’t need to exercise right now. I don’t need to paint Sawyer’s pink room. I don’t need to unpack every single box in this new house. All of that can wait. PS. How cute is that room!?!? What I need to do is figure out Cooper’s diet. I decided that he is going to join us at the dinner table for all meals when…

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Autism and Changing Behaviors

I recently read a study that found moms that have children with autism, have also been shown to have stress levels similar to combat soldiers. I have felt this for years but I could never admit it. If I admitted that I couldn’t handle Cooper than I was admitting he was severely autistic. Admitting meant defeat. Or failure. There are a lot of emotions that go into asking for help. I am strong. Seriously. This blog is the ONLY place I break down. Not in real life. Not to friends.…

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Why Did I Stop Writing….

I get so many emails from people wondering where I am. Emails wondering if Cooper is ok. If I am ok? People that genuinely care about Cooper and his development reach out to me on a daily basis. These emails and messages warm my heart. And I am so thankful for them. It reminds me that Cooper’s journey is helping others. That is amazing. I can remember the blogs that got me through. I would read them from start to finish in a night while drinking a bottle or two…

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Seeing the Ignorance First Hand

I had a conversation this past weekend that I can’t stop thinking about. It just keeps coming back. Not negatively. Not positively. Just more thought provoking I guess. It opened my eyes to the ignorance out there. I don’t share Cooper’s autism with most people. You would never meet a new person and immediately say…I have two kids…one is deaf. Or one is blind. Or whatever. I get to be choosy about who I share my Cooper story with. And I use it wisely. Maybe that’s weird. I’m not embarrassed.…

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