Guest Post
Time is a Thief
Twenty months old. That’s how old you were when we welcomed your sister into our family. You wouldn’t go near her at first, and even now you rarely act like you notice her. Leading up to her arrival everyone would ask if you were excited to have a baby sister. They would ask if you showed interest in my growing belly. You didn’t notice it one bit. It didn’t phase you even a little. They would talk about how fun it would be to have two so close in age.…
Read MoreI Cried
I cried when you were diagnosed. I cried because I thought I did something to cause it. I cried because I wondered if I would ever hear your voice. I cried because I wanted you to live the childhood I imagined for you. I cried because I wanted you to have a typical relationship with your sibling. I cried because I worried that you wouldn’t have the capacity to learn. I cried because I worried that you wouldn’t have the capacity to love or be loved. I cried because you…
Read MoreWhen Parent Turns Into Caregiver
Being a parent is something I always dreamed of. Being a parent meant raising my kids to be great people, to teach them values like kindness and honesty, and hopefully send them into the world as adults who could make a life for themselves. When I was pregnant I imagined their milestones in front of us. Finishing primary and secondary school, hopefully onto college and graduation and lastly a career that they loved and that both challenged and fulfilled them. In the same breath I imagined myself and Brian as…
Read MoreThe Things I Took for Granted
There is this saying, and I’m sure most of you in the autism world have heard of it. Something to the effect that “special needs parents have a child in the newborn phase for many, many years longer than most.” I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. How it’s pretty crushing, but it also couldn’t be more true. My son Noah still cries and screams to communicate most of the time. The only consistent words I would say he has are — “Pete” when he sees him on Mickey…
Read MoreMy Child is Bright
Now, lets rewind to the time my son Danny was born. In the back of my mind I always knew there was something not right. I used my mothering instinct and knew something was wrong when Danny screamed and screamed without being soothed with anything possible in this world as a baby. By the time he was three years old, he had no language, no words, or even nonverbal communication was void. After much advocating, Danny was finally diagnosed at age three. ABA therapy was the best therapy at the…
Read MoreThe First Time The Word Autism Scared Me
I didn’t allow myself to feel any of the emotions that came with his diagnosis. I didn’t walk out of his appointment any different than walking in. It hit me about 3 weeks later. When the letter arrived. At his appointment, we discussed ABA. We discussed the hours. We discussed how we needed this for him to start speech. I walked out feeling relieved. I know that’s a total opposite emotion than you would expect. To me it was finally being heard. Finally getting him the services he needed to…
Read MoreNo Expectations Allows Me To Be A Better Parent
And here I sit again, in my car, crying. This seems to be the place I cry the most. After IEP meetings. After doctor’s appointments. After birthday parties. I usually know when I’m going to end up crying. You see, I’m always prepared. I don’t usually have a choice in that matter. I call it prepared grief. I can see it coming weeks in advance. We have done enough IEP meetings, doctor’s evaluations, and birthday parties that just don’t go the way we planned. This still doesn’t mean that it…
Read MoreThe Secrecy of Aggressive Behaviors
When your child hurts you… It’s happening in homes all over the country. Including ours. What would you do if a random stranger came up on the street and slapped you? Well, depending on how my mood was and how many hours of sleep I got the night before, I assume I’d either call the police or puck them right back. Both are natural reactions. But what do you do when it’s your own kid hurting you? When the frustration of not being understood gets to be too much for…
Read MoreAutism is a Mirror
You may be surprised to learn that, for me, as the father, the most challenging part of having a child with Autism, was neither the financial strain, the disruption of my family’s social dynamic, nor the isolation. No. It was none of the common challenges we all share as the parents of Autistic children. But, please, allow me to digress. It’s no exaggeration to say that when Finn was born, it was one of the four absolute greatest days of my life. His beautiful face. Those curious eyes. His mothers…
Read MoreA Small Glimpse into Nonverbal
I had a nightmare last night. I was stuck at a four way intersection with a dead car battery and people were quickly growing frustrated with me. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words would come. I tried sticking my hands out the window to sign, to make a hand motion that could explain my predicament, but it seemed my brain had stalled just like my vehicle. People honked aggressively at me, motioning that it was my turn to go. I wanted to explain to them, I tried…
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