Autism
Getting Help as a Special Needs Parent
I’ve been having some minor medical stuff going on. Nothing huge but still annoying. I finally broke down and went to the doctor. Which never happens. Simply put, I don’t have time. I explained my symptoms. A cold that never ends. A cough that keeps me up. Extreme fatigue. Exhaustion. Anxiety. Trouble sleeping. She asked if I was under stress. I laughed. Manically actually. I told her about my life. My job. About my 3 boys. Their ages. Their schedules and needs. I told her about my Cooper. About autism.…
Read MoreA Daughter’s Letter to her Mother
Dear Mom, I see you. I just want you to know that I see you. I see everything you do for my sister and acknowledge everything I don’t see. I see the pain when you are trying to help her but nothing seems to work that day. I see the helplessness when my sister is way too overstimulated in public and you doing everything you can to get her through it but it’s just enough for her. I see the warrior in you as you fight for what she needs…
Read MoreHe’s Safe Mama
I was rushing to get out of the house. Helping Cooper with his shoes and wrestling the baby into his jacket. Filling up a bottle and grabbing snacks and drinks. Making sure the diaper bag was stocked and that I looked halfway presentable. You know, doing all of the things. Cooper was nonverbally letting me know that he was going to bring all hundred of his treasures. Sawyer was asking me for a bag because he wanted to bring his rollerblades to a place that didn’t allow rollerblades. The baby…
Read MoreI Don’t Know How You Do It…
Last night I shared a video on Instagram of my autistic son ripping paper and books. It’s a new behavior. It’s really loud. And messy. I shared it for a glimpse into the beauty and reality of our world. I could tell you why he does it. He wants to have all the pieces of the magazines and books in his hands. He’s a sensory seeker. He likes to see and touch. To spread the pages out. To line them up. It makes sense to him. It makes him happy.…
Read MoreWhat Are You Thinking Allowing Him To Wear A Dress
We sat on the couch in his living room. I hadn’t seen him in ages, so I was trying to catch him up on our life. I showed him photo after photo of our family. Sawyer hitting a baseball off a tee in the backyard. Cooper splashing in a pool. Sawyer holding his fishing pole. Jamie and I drinking beers at a baseball game. Sawyer and his cousin playing dress up. He was smiling and laughing but stopped suddenly. It’s been a while, years and years since this happened,…
Read MoreA Nonverbal Thank You
Cooper has never asked me for a birthday present. He’s never asked me for anything really. If I was to show him something cool or ask him a question about what I think he might want, he most likely will always answer yes. He likes to answer yes. But it isn’t always accurate. Unless I ask him something ridiculous like…do you want broccoli for dinner? Then it’s a definite NO. Over the years we’ve never talked about the presents I’ve given him. Not a word. I’ve never gotten an excited…
Read MoreA Simple Trip to the Grocery Store
Trips to the grocery store. Simple right? Well, this mama didn’t know if we’d ever be able to successfully visit one. Groceries stores are loud. And crowded. And full of so many things. There is waiting. So much waiting. And walking. And colors. And different temperatures. And people talking. And asking questions. In our world we call this a sensory overload. Then add in a boy who is 9 years old. And looks like every other 9 year old boy who can easily walk through the grocery store. But yet…
Read MoreSomeday, You’ll Tell Me
Cooper, this morning was just like every other morning. You woke up happy as usual. Had breakfast, got dressed with Dad’s help, put your shoes (all by yourself!) and your coat on, negotiated 75 treasures to bring to school, and then you were gone. I yelled ‘I LOVE YOU’ ridiculously loud and stole a hug and 3 kisses before you darted out the door. Y ou grunted in response like you usually do. I then asked you to repeat ‘I Love You’ like I do every day. You willingly try.…
Read MorePlease Make Room For Us
Last Tuesday started like every other day. I woke up way too early, tried to coax my son Ben back to sleep for an hour and lost that battle. Then, I gave in, got up and got ready while trying to keep him entertained. I woke up Caleb and shuffled both boys off to daycare. It’s the story most working moms could tell every single day. It was my usual stress, the usual morning hustle, but then someone stopped me in my tracks, both figuratively and literally. The boys’ daycare…
Read MoreThe Hardest Thing You Will Ever Wait For
We all wait for things. Waiting is a normal part of every day life. Sometimes the waiting is fun and exciting. But sometimes, it’s agonizing. Maybe you are waiting to hear back from a college that you applied too. Or about a job interview. Maybe you are waiting for your partner to pop the question while every single one of your friends is getting engaged already. Maybe you are waiting until the time is right to have kids. Until everything is in order. Or maybe you are waiting month after…
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