Autism
Bucket List
Have I told you all that I made a bucket list for our family? For 9 1/2 years we were mostly homebound. And in those 9 years we worked on things like safety, waiting, sitting, standing and communicating. The progress felt painfully slow at times. But his hard work, ours too, is starting to pay off. Last week we visited a zoo! The week before that it was a pool. Today, it was an aquarium. A real aquarium with sharks and sea turtles and string rays. The place was deserted…
Read MoreThe Nudge that Led to Hope
When covid hit, much like everyone else, our world was turned upside down. Schools closed. Jobs moved in-house. Daycare paused. We hunkered down. We all became overly familiar with Zoom. Parents began to hate snack requests. We rationed toilet paper. And one other thing happened for us. One that I would have never in all my years thought could have happened. Our mental health services for our son Cooper stopped cold. The place that never closed. Never took a sick day. Acknowledged as few holidays as possible…shut down. And to…
Read MoreDear Sawyer
Dear Sawyer, You are seven and I am writing down the stories I want to share with you when you are a grown man. So you know about our secret world. Last night I went to your bedroom to tuck you in but you weren’t there. So, I made my way to your older brother Cooper’s room and saw you holding him. It brought tears to my eyes. The protective way you were holding him was beautiful. He’s been driving you bonkers lately. He has this desire to be near…
Read MoreA Letter to My Wife and All Special Needs Mothers
To the wives, the girlfriends, and the mothers: We haven’t said these three simple words often enough… We see you. From moment one, mother’s of our children, we watch as you push grief to the side and take the lead at the moment of diagnosis. You run like a prized thoroughbred, determined to secure therapies, counselors, and doctors. Searching for the opportunities that will ensure a better life for our babies, despite the chaos. You are miracle workers, moving mountains by sheer will, even when we, the husbands, boyfriends, feel…
Read MoreHis Best Friend
Let me show you the beauty of my son’s world. And how my perspective has greatly changed over the years. A few days ago, Cooper, who is 9, began showing me a still frame of Dora the Explorer on his iPad. Dora happened to be wearing a purple pirate outfit. She was with her crew on a boat. They were making their way to Mermaid Rock. He has showed me Dora and her purple outfit at least a hundred times. Cooper also happens to be nonverbal. Meaning, he can’t necessarily…
Read MoreA Trip to the Zoo
We just returned from an outing with just our older son. It was his day to get spoiled by mom and dad. For the first 9 years of his life he didn’t really care about outings or gifts or getting spoiled. But slowly over time he has started asking us to go places. Some are not doable…if anyone knows how to get Dora the Explorer to our local fire station please let me know. He’s asked my daily for months now. I’m not sure how long…‘mommy’s trying’ is going to…
Read MoreThank You For Always Having Your Brother’s Back
To my eldest son, On Monday you asked, “Mummy what is autism like?” I told you my answer, and we sat and watched an animated explanation, showing how your brother sees the world differently to you. As I waited outside the school gates for you yesterday, you saw us and came running up with your arms held wide. “Hello, Rhys” you said, taking your brother’s hand in yours. The cars flew by us on the busy road, and you mentioned the noise and how scary it must be for Rhys,…
Read MoreIt’s Time For A Change
I’m feeling conflicted and heartbroken for my autistic son’s future. As I’m getting dressed for work today, I noticed my sixteen year old son, Lawrence looking at all the headlines and stories in the news… My son then makes the comment, ‘I dislike cops.’ Wow. Talk about a feeling of confusion as I’m now wearing my uniform. I am a Corrections Office and a Field Training Officer. I’m also a single mom, doing my best to raise a developmentally disabled son that has huge communication issues. He is not aggressive. He…
Read MoreBecause, Autism
I must finally admit to myself and the world that I’m tired. Physically and mentally exhausted. For the last 15 years of my 17-year-old son’s life, autism has dictated the mood, comfort, décor (or lack thereof) and decibel level of our home. Severe, non-verbal autism has robbed my son of the ability to communicate effectively or calmly and replaced it with banging, hitting, throwing and aggression. It’s as if my son’s development has frozen in time…demonstrating behaviors matching a two-year-old temper tantrum. No matter the circumstance, he has learned…
Read MoreDon’t Count Our Kids Out
Who needs some joy today? This kid had his first school conference in three years yesterday. He’s a big fourth grader now. And like I’ve known all along…he’s amazing. He’s joyful. Happy. Cuddly. Loves giving hugs. So smart. He knows so many sight words and is amazing on his speech device. The goal for me is typing words. I can’t wait until we can have a typed conversation. His bus driver and aide love him. His driver told me he hits the bumps for him because it makes him so…
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