Dear mama with normal children, “Normal? What is normal?” you might be asking. “Is that even politically correct?” Honestly, I’m not sure because I’m tired. And I don’t spend my free time on political jargon. And I definitely don’t sleep well. And most of my waking hours, I’m caring for someone else or finding resources that will hopefully make our life a little bit easier someday. Someday…a day that feels more and more like a unicorn lately. You see, I’m a special needs mama to a 16-year-old son. And no,…
I have a terrible memory, but I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was a 23-year-old single mom. I was recently divorced, working 3 jobs, and had absolutely no idea what I was doing. With one look, anyone would have seen that I was ready to break at any moment. The doctor could see it too, I could tell. I could tell by the way she tip-toed around the subject, like she just knew I needed a bit of hand holding. I could tell by the way she…
I came across an old post on my personal Facebook page that I wrote two years ago, on April 5th, 2019. That was a pivotal day for me, one that both shattered my naive perception of life and changed the way I live it. The following is an updated and edited version of that post from two years ago: “A harsh Autism reality hit our household yesterday. Evie was thriving for about two months, preschool was going amazing. Then things changed. Her teacher got transferred to a different location, her…
My Dearest Daughter Sloane, Last night I had a dream about you. I had a dream that I went to your room to wake you up, and you sat up in your bed, and you said to me in the sweetest voice, “Mom, I have so much to tell you, and I don’t know how this is happening.” I woke up out of breath, and I don’t remember anything else. You’ve had a hard few days. Your struggles have been heavy. I’ve needed to know so many things only you…
I never wanted to be The Person. You know, The Person—the one in a marriage who handles all the kid stuff, like changing the diapers and checking the homework folder and buying shoes. (The Person is also known as the Default Parent, The Micromanager, or the Helicopter Mom.) I did pretty well for the first year I was a mother. Our oldest son Joey was born and, for the most part, my husband Joe and I handled the responsibility of taking care of a new baby fairly equally. I didn’t care how he swaddled him,…
I’m looking for a mom friend. You know, ‘that’ mom friend. That friend that needs no explanation because our worlds twirl within the same circles. The one who I can call at any hour of the night, because both of our families are wide awake anyhow. The one who puts the same amount of miles on her car, from searching every store, for that specific package of fruit snacks, or brand of pizza, or shape of chicken nugget. The mom friend that is fluent in a familiar list of prescribed…
A few weeks ago I had the honor of chatting with Peri of Not Raingirl. Peri is one of my most favorite humans on this earth. She is also an autism self advocate. She was diagnosed as a young girl and now shares her memories, learnings, and feelings with the world. Essentially, she is a guidepost for parents who want to listen and learn. When we spoke last, she told me a story that changed my life as a mother to an autistic child. In the story, she was referencing…
My son was born on July 31st, 2015 along with his twin sister Aria. They were perfect and they were mine! It was one of the happiest days of my life. I waited so long to become a mother. Me and my husband had many losses until this pregnancy. I had never felt such joy and happiness. The feeling was incredible. I never realized I could love a person this much until this day. I couldn’t help but think of our future and how bright it would be with these…
This morning I walked downstairs to my sweet boy sitting on the couch, surrounded by his treasures. He waved. It was quick though. He was very busy watching his shows. He takes his show watching very serious. Especially on weekend mornings. ‘Cooper, it’s mom’s birthday today!’ I said. Now I don’t know what I expected. Not words of course. But a cheer. A smile. A gasp. But nothing. He looked back down. It stung. Like a tiny bee sting or a poke in the side. But the pain is duller…
I read a quote a while back, at a pivotal time in my life really, that read… My child isn’t giving me a hard time…he is having a hard time. We had just finished up with an incredibly hard day. One that involved being out in the community. A ‘place’ that can feel scary to families like mine sometimes. Our son is autistic. He has autism. He was diagnosed at age 3. Back then so much of his diagnosis felt like a mystery, one that we were so desperately trying…
