Today is 20 years since you have passed, and the void is forever there. The love you stamped our hearts with is carried with us every day. You are forever missed. A that tribute doesn’t even come close to explaining how amazing and how loved you are. More than a grandmother. Watching my daughter sit on your lap as you sit at the table seems like the most natural thing in the world. Except sometimes it’s not. A nana sitting with her grand baby is something you can take for…
Comments are made; often in the passing, sometimes with direction. I wonder how deeply some people think about what they say to others. Do they consider if they use hurtful words? I’ve been so fortunate during my journey thus far into motherhood. I have received so much support for the way our children are growing. Sometimes, the narrative changes direction. Sometimes, people are surprised to discover autism is a part of our world. It puzzles me. Honestly, with a little knowledge, it is blatantly obvious how neurodivergence is interwoven around…
There is 8 years between these two. 12 and 4. The little brother and the big brother. I know the facts. The little ones spoken language passed up his older brother’s years ago. He has a hundred words. He uses full sentences. When the younger one leaves home, Cooper will be 26 years old. A grown man. The younger one doesn’t know what autism is although we celebrate and speak openly about it daily. He does know that his old brother doesn’t talk though. He asks about it almost weekly…
Just look at him sitting there, Sweatpants, t-shirt, in his comfy chair. His hair is too long, one hand on a juice box, and the other playing with Buzz Lightyear’s cat Sox. He doesn’t know what’s going on in my head. All these thoughts run around while I lay in bed. I have some BIG, BIG, DREAMS! Help him learn to communicate. Bring him on lots of play dates! I have some BIG, BIG DREAMS! Help him make friends, who knows where this story will end. Plan big adventures all…
Dreams Don’t Die, They Just Change We all remember that day. The visit, the phone call, the letter. Your child is on the autism spectrum. I know I will never forget. I can still hear the Dr. saying, “We can go two different routes here. We can give the diagnosis of PDD/NOS or Autism.” I think he was truly trying to spare us that ominous word. I voted for Autism. I knew enough to know that the diagnosis of autism was our ticket to services. See, this all happened 22…
“I am sorry. She is autistic.” This. This is what I wanted to shout in the waiting room at dance class Monday night. I wanted the moms with their beautifully behaved children to know this. I didn’t want Lexi’s behavior to come across as me being an awful parent, or to view Lexi as a naughty girl. I wanted to give the behavior an excuse. I stayed silent. I did not share that she had autism. I did not justify her behavior. I let them think what they wanted. Whether…
Last night I had a dream I had a conversation with my daughter. She is four years old, autistic, and non-speaking. Her little voice has been on my mind lately. As her age and receptive language, her understanding of language, had gone up so has her frustration. I think often about how hard she works to communicate her needs, wants, and feelings. She is an excellent communicator. I often wonder what it would be like to know how she is feeling, what she really wants me to know. I think…
Last night I laid in a full-size bed, inside a tent, under a train blanket, with my eight year old son. He had just fallen asleep. Beforehand, we talked, sang, and laughed. He asked me to hug him tight, and I did as he fell asleep. Slowly releasing him before he completely drifted off. Tight hugs are one of the few things that help him calm his body. Sleep doesn’t come easy for my boy. You can judge and give suggestions, but we’ve tried it all. My son is autistic…
Our son Sullivan is autistic and has Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Sensory Processing Disorder. Many people ask us, when did you know your son was autistic? That’s a tricky question because initially we had no idea. Sully had what we know now as sensory issues early on. We had to try many different bottle nipples, he threw up a lot, he stuffed food in his mouth till he choked, he would eat and eat and not like the feeling in his stomach and make himself throw…
We tried a thing today. It was one of our spur of the moment ideas. My autistic son, Xavier, had gotten up at four again, and to be honest, after we dropped off his younger brother at school, we were all hungry and in need of a caffeine fix. Xavier’s Occupational Therapy appointment had been canceled due to a training his therapist was attending, so we had over an hour to kill. There is a diner that my husband and I both love, and hadn’t been to in a couple…
