I was chatting with a friend today and she said to me….“I have never met a more resilient family. It’s like change doesn’t scare you.” I just smiled and nodded. It must appear that way to the outside world. Oddly enough I usually feel like I am standing in a room screaming and people are rushing by me. But, apparently from the outside, I appear to have my shit together. Score one for me and bring on more changes. Cooper is starting an autism preschool at the local elementary school on…
Read MoreCooper had a long couple weeks off from school. Rather, Cooper had a break from school and mom lost her mind. And so did dad. I think we were both actually excited to go back to work. And I see it more and more how much Cooper needs structure. I also need structure. Cooper would watch movies ALL DAY if we let him. And oddly enough there is an emotional strain on me when he does that. I feel like such a failure. I was looking through pictures getting ready for this…
Read MoreI’ve been really, really off lately. Irritable. Crabby. Most definitely not happy. I’ve even noticed that I am avoiding Cooper a little bit. It started after his birthday party on the 6th. That was a tough one. We changed our whole lives for Cooper. Every single thing is different now. And that’s fine. I have zero regrets. And every month we are told by Cooper’s therapists how amazing he is doing. Thriving they say. Better every single week. Amazing eye contact. Such a sweet boy. So engaged. Just a joy.…
Read MoreI found this quote a while back and it has meant a lot to me. I keep coming back to it. It seems so right for my life. There is a post that I haven’t wanted to write for a long time but I have been scared. Scared that I will get judged as Cooper’s mom. As an autism mom. As a person. And that my inbox will get flooded with hate mail. I will be ‘that’ mom that referred to autism as a box full of darnkess. But, I am…
Read MoreI spent last night thinking about the autism spectrum. I went to bed fine but Sawyer woke us up around 11 with the flu. No good. Vomiting and sleep deprived parents is never good. So, as I lay there waiting to sleep I started to think about the spectrum and Cooper. I always picture it as a straight line with high-functioning on one end and low-functioning on the other end. And the inevitable question….where is Cooper on that line. And an even bigger question…does it really matter where he lies…
Read MoreI’ve been down since Cooper’s birthday. So has Jamie. We’ve done a very good job isolating ourselves and Cooper. And when you live in a bubble it’s incredibly easy to block out delays and differences. But the party brought it all out. No hiding. Don’t even get me started on age 4 as a milestone. I know we will bounce back. We always do. It just needs to run its course. So, anyhow I spent the night looking at videos on my iPad. I absolutely love seeing videos of the…
Read MoreI had a conversation with a friend this weekend about how everyone’s life looks amazing on Facebook. And how it’s all a load of shit. Nobody’s life is perfect. But nobody takes pictures of the sad moments. Or at least we don’t share them. Why would we. We don’t want the reminders. Or the questions from people about them. Or, pity. I am sitting here looking through the pictures of Coops birthday party. He is overstimulated and extremely stressed out in most of them. I would not call it a…
Read MoreI am pretty sure Cooper says hi in this video. And it also shows Coopers inability to sit still and focus. It ain’t happening folks. He’s all over the place. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqIyYbcJV9o&sns=em
Read MoreCoopers birthday is on Saturday. He will be 4. I’ve been thinking about it nonstop. Even sneaking little peeks at Cooper. Watching closer than usual. Wondering how we got here and marveling in how far we’ve come. And thinking how far we have to go. And most importantly melting at just how wonderful this kid is and secretly wondering if maybe his way of thinking isn’t all that off. For example I am trying to teach Cooper to sign ‘thank you’. The sign is touching your hand to your chin and would be pretty…
Read MoreCooper has been at Fraser for 2 months. That is absolutely crazy to me. When we considered moving 3 hours away, with the main reason being for his care, I secretly thought it would never work. Not the us part but the school part. Traditional therapy has been a nightmare for Cooper. We started with having the school district in our home, then went to traditional speech and OT at the hospital and then tried ECFE and lastly speech at a specialty clinic for kids with language disorders. ALL FAILURES. That sounds…
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