I Can’t Fix My Son

February 2, 2017

I shared a video last night on Facebook and I can’t believe the overwhelming support I’ve received.Thank you to every single person that messaged me or left me a comment. Just reading the words, ‘I understand,’ is more therapy than I can describe. Knowing that people out there understand is amazing. It makes me feel less alone. So, what was the event that caused my crash? Well, we had an evaluation for Cooper yesterday at an autism center. I am looking for options that will replace public education. I am…

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Diaper Options for a 6 Year Old

January 27, 2017

Hey all, One question I am continuously asked is what kind of diapers we use for Cooper. He is a big boy weighing in at 60 lbs. He currently wears a size 7 diaper. Cooper’s diapers are covered by his Medical Assistance. As far as I understand, and this may vary by state, a child with an autism diagnosis who is covered under medical assistance gets free diapers after the age of four. That’s what I was told. We had to figure this out for ourselves. Meaning a fellow parent…

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An Open Letter to the Friend I Pushed Away

January 27, 2017

I am sitting here thinking about our relationship and about how much I love you. And how I rarely see you. We joke that it’s because life is so busy. We are in our thirties and have jobs and babies. We are in that stage of life I guess. We are always saying that this is the month that we will finally find the time to get together. And when this month passes we will laugh via text and joke about how someday soon we will have more time. One…

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Why I Gave Up Hope

January 20, 2017

I just changed my six year old’s diaper. It was messy. There was poop dripping down his leg. It was on his jeans. His socks. The poop got on my hand, couch and carpet. As I was changing him he gave me a swift kick to the groin that took my breath away. This is the side of autism that no one talks about. I almost started to cry. I’ve been awake since 3:30 am. I haven’t slept through the night in months. I’m exhausted. And I let myself think,…

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A Day In Cooper’s Life: Autism in Pictures

January 17, 2017

I am very vocal about the stress that goes hand and hand with being an autism parent. It’s a topic that isn’t always talked about. I want to change that. Autism is hard. Unbelievably hard. I have post-traumatic stress from it. For one it’s often extremely loud. For me it’s Cooper’s screeches mixed in with the constant sounds coming from his devices. And my little guy loves it LOUD. Really LOUD. I’ve tried covering the speakers with tape. He rips it off. I’ve tried headphones. He refuses to wear them.…

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9 Big Mistakes Parents of Autistic Kids Can Avoid

January 12, 2017

I often think of my son’s autism as a journey. A journey with many, many steep mountains. And holes and cliffs. And of course it’s slippery.  The hills have jagged rocks and most of the time I feel like I am hanging on for dear life. There is no safety harness or map. I typically don’t know if I am even going in the right direction. And perhaps at times I am going backwards. It’s just me against this damn mountain.  And it feels like there is more bad weather…

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Acceptance: A Video Blog

January 9, 2017

Sharing on a tough topic this morning. I’ve been scared to share this video blog because it’s very real and raw but I know that other parents need to hear these words. It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to admit that it’s hard. And it’s OK to grieve all the things you won’t do as a special needs parent. You are human.

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Sensory Balloons

January 8, 2017

Sawyer and I spent the morning making sensory balloons for Cooper. HE LOVES THEM SO MUCH. I totally recommend making these if you have a kiddo that likes to hold objects. They are super squishy. Cooper will carry these around until I eventually have to throw them in the garbage and make new ones. And making them really entertained Sawyer too. Of course I let him make a huge mess because it bought me 20 minutes to write this blog. Winning. First, cut off a bottle. I used an old…

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I Can Say He’s Severely Autistic. But No One Else Can

December 14, 2016

Yesterday, we had a meeting with Cooper’s social worker. I am aggressively going for more services or as the state calls it…emergency services. It took me precisely three strongly worded emails and two phone calls (One where I sounded a bit crazy) to get a social worker in my home to evaluate Cooper. Not too bad. There is help out there. I need it. And I am demanding it. As I prepared for the in-home evaluation I typed up a list of Cooper behaviors. Let me note that the county…

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First Steps After Your Autism Diagnosis

December 9, 2016

After I received Cooper’s diagnosis of Autism I expected things to change overnight. I thought for sure we’d immediately start treatment or medicine or something and we’d begin to fix him. My child was sick. Let’s fix it now. We had an answer. We knew the source. Now we fix it. But that’s not how autism works. It’s not a disease. There is no curing it. There is no solution. There is managing it. There is navigating it. And it is straight up trial and error. If you’ve met one…

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