Everything I Prayed For

I’ve been called negative. Depressing. Dark. I’ve been accused of not loving my child. Of being weak. Of being a bad mom. All for saying severe autism is hard. And scary at times. I’ve spoke up. Spoke out. And refused to give up. And I’m here to say it’s paying off. This kid. This amazing, funny, smart, kid. He’s thriving people. Anti-anxiety medication and an amazing ABA team have helped him more than I can even put into words. But I’ll try. Because that’s what I do. He’s so happy.…

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Falling in Love with Reality

To the boy that grew only in my heart, I still think about you sometimes. Not as often as I did in the beginning. But sometimes when things get lonely and dark you wander into my mind. You stand there smiling at me. Sometimes you talk to me and tell me all the things you love. Sometimes you show me your favorite toys. Sometimes you teach your little brother things and I watch him look up to you in awe as you take care of him. Sometimes you play with…

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My Son, You are Different

My son, you are different. Different in the most best possible way. I realized that today. You are not like the other kids. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Not in anyway. You are the brave one. Because you have no fear about being exactly who you are. We were at the park. The cool one in the neighborhood. At least that’s what your brother says. We finally convinced you to walk over there. You were scared at first. We had to make some new turns. Go farther…

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Missing Out

You’re missing out. Parents of special needs kids say this in their head all the time. At least I do. You’re missing out on having her read all but a few words. You’re missing out on giggly girl sleepovers. You’re missing out on having her on middle school honor roll. You’re missing out on her excitement from passing the driver’s test. Prom. College, moving out. Wedding. Children. So many things to feel bad about missing out on. Milestones and rites of passage that just don’t apply in your situation. But…

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Praying for Communication

Yesterday, I walked into my living room on a mission. Which isn’t a rare occurrence. My hands were full. Dirty laundry. Photos. A bag of rocks. A few dozen Pokémon cards. I was in my own world. To be honest, I believe I was muttering something about how no in my house picks anything up. And then I heard… ‘M. O. M.’ It still stops me in my tracks. Cooper saying mom. Cooper saying anything. We have one word right now. After 8 long years. And it’s absolutely beautiful. Of…

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The Day I Found out my Child had Autism

Being a mom of three is hard work, especially when you are a mom of a very special little boy who happens to have Autism. As of now Connor is almost 3 years old. It doesn’t seem very long ago when we were at his 18 month well child. My world turned upside down as his MCHAT scored him high risk for Autism. I don’t typically cry and part of me is really embarrassed that I cried, especially since I had a feeling anyway. He showed all of the signs.…

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The Forgotten Side of the Spectrum

Severe Autism… I did a brief radio interview recently explaining our version of autism. I discussed the isolation, the lack of help and support, and the lack of understanding and acceptance for severe autism. Tim Nicholls, who is the policy manager for the national autistic society, responded to my radio interview yesterday. I’ve listened to his response. I want to talk about this part that he said below… “It doesn’t need to be something that is always holding them back, with the right support, depending on their needs, children with…

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Cousins Really do make the Best Friends

My husband and I are parents to an amazing, energetic, mischievous, almost three year old boy, Logan. We started to notice speech regression around 20 months, and I brought it up to his pediatrician at our next routine visit. I remember her saying that speech regression is related to autism, but she didn’t really see any other “red flags” that alarmed her. She referred us to Early Steps to see if he would qualify for speech therapy, and then we would see if he started to make any progress and…

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How do I Change the World for my Son?

Lately, my son has been having some pretty huge wins. Ginormous actually. He went down his first waterslide. He laughed and flapped the whole way down. And then went five more times. He bowled. All ten frames. I had no idea he even knew what a bowling ball was! He went to an arcade for the first time. He’s never set foot in one before. He never melted down. Or bolted. He just wandered ‘closely’ by while his brother played games. It was amazing. He went to a sit-down restaurant.…

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My Son will Grow up to be….

There are moments we experience, which follow us, entering our thoughts when we least expect, and weaving together with other pieces of our journey to shape us, give us pause, make us think…evolve…and create purpose as we move forward. When I was pregnant with Leo, I went for a 3D ultrasound session at 27 weeks, hoping to get a sneak peek of the sweet baby I would soon be holding in my arms. Everything about that day remains vivid and clearly outlined in my memory. Watching my boy on the…

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