Posts by Elissa McFarland
Parenting Autism: Is It Grief, Jealousy, or Envy?
Our family has settled into life with autism. We know that when we go on an outing we need to be prepared for all scenarios. Honestly it has become second nature. It is how we operate. We accept it. Last night I was watching a TV show. It was featuring a family of four who were preparing to move ‘off the grid’ in Alaska. Their oldest child was maybe seven or eight. Their youngest was around two (a year younger than Lexi). As I was watching this family with their…
Read MoreShe Is More Than a Label
Something that people may not be aware of, unless you have a family member with a disability, is how much harder our families work to “even the playing field.” The phone calls, the emails, the meetings, the appointments, the therapy, the rearranging of schedules, the accommodations, the constant fight for “fair.” It is consuming and exhausting. My name is Elissa, and I have two little girls. My oldest, Aleena, is 5 and in kindergarten. My youngest, Lexi, is 3 and is in daycare/preschool. Lexi also has autism. Though Lexi is…
Read MorePermission to Grieve
What I want the world to know about being a mom of a child with autism is that it is coupled with grief. I love my daughter. With every ounce of my being. She brings me joy and hope every single day. She teaches me patience, perspective, and that there is more than one way to do EVERYTHING. But I was not unprepared for the grief. When you hear that you are going to have a baby your brain starts dreaming of the life that will soon be. So many…
Read MoreI Wanted to Shout “She is Autistic!”
“I am sorry. She is autistic.” This. This is what I wanted to shout in the waiting room at dance class Monday night. I wanted the moms with their beautifully behaved children to know this. I didn’t want Lexi’s behavior to come across as me being an awful parent, or to view Lexi as a naughty girl. I wanted to give the behavior an excuse. I stayed silent. I did not share that she had autism. I did not justify her behavior. I let them think what they wanted. Whether…
Read MoreTo The New Mama at Therapy
To the new Mama, I met you today as I was taking Lexi to therapy. It was your son’s first day. I could tell right away that you were overwhelmed. Nervous about your son. Wondering how it went. Praying he didn’t have anxiety the whole time. Hoping you made the right decision. Your emotions overwhelmed me with compassion. I wanted to hug you…I DID hug you and later I apologized for invading your space. You told me briefly about your story. Your long road to diagnosis. How you waited so…
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