Archive for January 2022
Lean In
Sometimes I will be sitting in my living room, or taking a shower, or driving in my car, and all of a sudden feel a crippling fear. It will come out of nowhere almost consuming my thoughts. Paralyzing me. I will feel it so strongly that I will clutch my stomach or bring my hand to my head, as if trying to wipe away the worry. Cooper. My son. I’ll see a flash of his future. A glimpse twenty years from now. It’s not fear of the diagnosis. Or the…
Read MoreNear but Far
This morning we were running around getting three kids ready to leave the house. Back to school day! Cooper was the most excited. Up and dressed and ready to go and saying…’SSS-OOO- LLL’ every time I walked by. It was a bit chaotic to say the least. Packing lunches, finding school iPads, headphones and chargers, gathering snow gear…it was a lot. We are definitely out of practice. Jamie noticed that Coops put his shoes on the wrong feet. It happens quite frequently but we are also so proud of him…
Read MoreThe Fight for a Special Needs Child
The silent battle in raising a child with special needs. The fuel that makes our stomachs churn and our hearts break. We know our babies more than anyone else. We know how they smelled as a newborn; what their sloppy toddler kisses felt like. We know how their infant body felt warm pressed against ours at all hours of the night. We know the joy in their eyes on Christmas morning. We simply know every corner of our children. So why can’t others see it? Ever since my son was…
Read MoreCome Back to Me
“Come back to me…come back to me…” I mutter as I hold my daughter who is once again slipping into the unknown. The only words that come to my mind as I rock my beautiful little angel in my arms. You see there is a tantrum, and then there is a meltdown. Since the months of Avery’s diagnoses they occur less often, but when they do it is as if my soul is ripped out of my body, chasing into the battlefield after her. There is simply no other way…
Read MoreWhen You Hear Autism for the First Time
Did you fear the word autism the first time you heard it in relation to your child? This morning, I was asked why I feared the word autism in the beginning. The question came from an autistic gentleman in a completely non-judgmental way. I’m thankful he asked. It’s one of those questions that pushes me out of my comfort zone. One that prompts me to look inside myself. Look back. Be honest. And learn. When I heard the word autism for the first time in relation to Cooper, I was…
Read MoreA Story of Hope-Pre-order Forever Boy Today
An excerpt from chapter 9 of Forever Boy: When the professionals first told me about autism, they described it to me as a spectrum. I immediately thought of a spectrum of light, like a rainbow through a prism. But it wasn’t that kind of spectrum. Or at least the experts didn’t explain it that way. They described it as a long line, with one end being the most severely affected and the other end being less affected. They threw terms at me like high-functioning, low-functioning, severe, moderate, and mild, even…
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