Posts Tagged ‘Special Needs Parenting’
A Letter to the Family and Friends of An Autism Parent
Dear friends and family, I am sitting here thinking about our relationship. And about how much I love you. And how I rarely see you. We joke that it’s because life is so busy. We have jobs and babies. Life is crazy. And how some day it will be better. We will have more time. One of these days we will actually get together and do something. I’m not sure if that’s entirely true though…at least not for me. We are different. We are friends. We are family. But we…
Read MoreWhen The Caregiver Gets Depressed
There is a stigma around depression. A really, really ugly one. And I think there is especially a stigma around mother’s who have depression. If you are depressed you are weak. You are broken. You are medicated. You cry a lot. You sleep a lot. This isn’t true. At least not for me. I am not weak. I am freakishly independent. I am not broken…completely. I am not medicated. And I rarely sleep. In saying that…. I just came out of an extremely low few days. Sadness is not an…
Read MoreThe Uphill Battle of Being a Caregiver
I cried on my way to work this morning. Not because I was sad. I cried because being Cooper’s mom turns me into someone I don’t like. I feel trapped. And alone. And so utterly overwhelmed. And like I need to make threats to make his life easier. I don’t ever feel like I’m doing enough. Or the right thing. The special education system is a constant uphill fight with a 200 lb pack on your back and no food or water. Nothing comes easy. Not one part of it.…
Read MoreI Do It For Me
Well, he’s off to his first day of school. The bus driver and aide were amazing. They pulled up, opened the door, and shouted out….’is there a Cooper here that needs a ride to school?‘ Cooper of course turned and ran the other way laughing and giggling. So, in true Swenson fashion, I brought him flailing and kicking to the bus. He was in good spirits though. I hugged him goodbye this morning and whispered in his ear….‘Be brave sweet boy. You got this.’ And he laughed and laughed and…
Read MoreI Am So Proud Of Cooper…
As someone affiliated with Autism I have noticed if I browse through Pinterest or Facebook or any of the dozen support groups I am part of there is often a common theme….having a special needs child changes your life. Or defines you as a parent. Or teaches you lessons and makes you a better person. I’ll be honest. I don’t feel that way yet. I haven’t ever actually. Every day is more like an episode of Ground Hogs day. He typically wakes up before 5 am. My anxiety about him…
Read MoreAutism Awareness Month
I think Cooper falls in a really weird place on the autism spectrum. In some ways he is severe. He doesn’t speak. He has zero self-care. And hardest of all he has no self-awareness. Cooper doesn’t know he is autistic. He doesn’t know he is different. He doesn’t know that he has no friends…He most likely doesn’t know what a friend is. But on the opposite side he isn’t violent. He isn’t mean. He is easy to care for. He smiles and laughs and requests hugs and kisses. And I…
Read MoreA Little Good News…
I got a letter in the mail yesterday telling me that Coopers insurance benefits are reinstated. I breathed a sigh of relief that could have been heard cross country. And I instantly felt like a weight had been lifted. And then promptly drank a bottle of wine and watched The Girlfriends Guide to Divorce…my favorite show. And zoned the F out. I literally shut down for the whole night. I thought autism was heavy but it nowhere nears the stress of not being able to pay for the help he…
Read MoreWhat Autism Looks Like To Me
I had a conversation with a friend this weekend about how everyone’s life looks amazing on Facebook. And how it’s all a load of shit. Nobody’s life is perfect. But nobody takes pictures of the sad moments. Or at least we don’t share them. Why would we. We don’t want the reminders. Or the questions from people about them. Or, pity. I am sitting here looking through the pictures of Coops birthday party. He is overstimulated and extremely stressed out in most of them. I would not call it a…
Read MoreI Would Always Choose Cooper
Coopers birthday is on Saturday. He will be 4. I’ve been thinking about it nonstop. Even sneaking little peeks at Cooper. Watching closer than usual. Wondering how we got here and marveling in how far we’ve come. And thinking how far we have to go. And most importantly melting at just how wonderful this kid is and secretly wondering if maybe his way of thinking isn’t all that off. For example I am trying to teach Cooper to sign ‘thank you’. The sign is touching your hand to your chin and would be pretty…
Read MoreSuper Cooper
Sometimes I forget that Cooper is just a little boy. And that he is only 3. And so stinking cute. I look at this picture and I see a boy. Not an autistic boy. It’s an invisible thing. I never knew that one word could change my life so much. I am so thankful that I am past the diagnosis part. I almost just typed that I am thankful to be past the unknown part. But that’s not true. Every bit of Cooper’s future is unknown. I believe we are…
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