30 Words

Since Covid started, and the world changed, me and a whole other bunch of parents have been trying to explain the unique ways it has impacted kids with special needs. We speak of loss of services and supports. We share stories of regressions and loss of skills. Some dare even share the harder parts. Often our stories are met with sympathy. Some shame. But we keep talking. We keep trying to get the world to see the hidden children. A few days ago it dawned on me that my son…

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This Is Regression

I can’t tell you the last time this kid and I did a puzzle. It’s been a few months at least. I have a dozen excuses why. It’s summer and playing outside with a hose is way better. Covid hit and life got turned absolutely upside down and inside out. I am writing a book. Jamie is running a business. Sawyer is playing hockey and golf and flag football. The baby never stops moving. Then there is homeschooling. I’m not good at it. I want to be clear. It is…

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Today Was A Good Day

Many of you have reached out and asked how Cooper is doing. Thank you! He is amazing. He is struggling but he’s coming out the other side and that is what matters. He works hard to be in a world that doesn’t always understand him or make sense to him. And that’s amazing. The last two weeks have been all hands on deck. But the last two days have been happier for him. And that’s what matters. Today was a good day. Today he snuggled with his grandma and watched…

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Autism Is A Train

Sometimes I think of my son’s autism as a train. Which is fitting because he loves trains. He stands out and he is unique and loud and messy and amazingly awesome. Like a train. I mean, not everyone would choose to ride one either but when they do…I’m pretty sure it changes them forever. Because trains are the best. So, here we are, chugging along. Often slowly. It typically takes us a while to get going too. Sometimes we stop. But we always start again. The key being…we move forward.…

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A Moment in the Park

It was a beautiful evening. The puppy needed a walk, Gracie needed out of the house, so we went to the park. It was quiet, only a few kids here and there. Gracie was enjoying the playground and running around. As she went around the side of the slide a little girl about her age said hello. Gracie stopped dead in her tracks. She didn’t say hello back, she didn’t wave, not even a smile. She froze, panic on her face as she tried to think of something to do.…

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My Son, I am So Sorry

My sweet boy, how I love you so. We have had such a long week and I’m sorry. I am so tired of doctors, and needles, and hospitals, and machines, and all of it. I’m tired of having to be the one who makes you suffer through this stuff. But the doctors tell me there is more to look for, so in the hopes of doing the best I absolutely can for you, I keep looking. I keep fighting, and I keep pushing. And I know you are even more…

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The Day I Found out my Child had Autism

Being a mom of three is hard work, especially when you are a mom of a very special little boy who happens to have Autism. As of now Connor is almost 3 years old. It doesn’t seem very long ago when we were at his 18 month well child. My world turned upside down as his MCHAT scored him high risk for Autism. I don’t typically cry and part of me is really embarrassed that I cried, especially since I had a feeling anyway. He showed all of the signs.…

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Regression SUCKS

Yes – I said it. Regressions sucks. Seeing my son who works so hard everyday lose skills and gain more anxiety is one of the most difficult aspects of this journey. He works so hard for each and every skill he has and to see one of them disappear is heart wrenching. We are currently in the mist of regression. When Jayden gets into a regression it seems to last months and it takes nearly everything inside of us to bring him out of it. Luckily each time his team…

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The Dreaded Cycle

Oh it’s the dreaded cycle again. My son you were doing so well just yesterday. Then today you wake up and our nemesis is back. I hope you know I really dislike you! You take away my sons smile and give him tears. You take away his appetite and give him belly aches. You take away is sleep and give him anxiety. You take away his health and give him illnesses. You take away his school/friends and give him inclusion. You take away is laughter and give him meltdowns. Sometimes…

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A Quiet Birthday

Dylan, you will be three years old very soon. I can’t believe that. It seems like only yesterday that we were worried we would never even have a child. After three long years of trying, we conceived you! We could not have been more excited to welcome you! The overwhelming love I had for you when you were born was palpable. It was like a ton of bricks and I felt instantly connected to you. You cried when you were born but the moment you were laid on my chest…

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