Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’
My Heart Isn’t Ready
I am so ready to have my fourth baby. The nursery is ready. The car seat is too. I can’t wait to kiss her and snuggle her. She can come any day now. And yet, I can’t imagine not giving 100% to this one. While my two older boys don’t seem to need mama every second, this one does. They have friends and sports and trains and seems so grown up at times. But this one, he’s my baby. My little buddy. He asks for snuggles and uppies and kisses…
Read MoreWaiting For Sister
Our fourth baby is due in 93 days. Not that I’m counting or anything. Although pregnancy in your late 30’s during a pandemic and a Minnesota winter with three wild boys is no joke. I’m trying to enjoy it. And I am. But tick tock over here. Yesterday, as I was attempting to sneak a few minutes of alone time midday, my two older boys made their way into my room. They always find me. Sawyer pulled up a pillow and a blanket next to me and began watching a…
Read More19 weeks
Truth time. I’ve been sad this pregnancy, which isn’t an emotion I’m used too. Happy, angry, exhausted, motivated, hungry…yes. Those emotions I know well. (Is hungry an emotion? I say yes because I feel that shit in my soul.) But sad…almost never. Especially not during any of my prior pregnancies. I am a glass half full kind of girl. A find the joy, focus on the positive person. So it’s been a tough go this last 19 weeks. I feel like a stranger in my own body most days. Like…
Read MoreWhen It’s Time to Get Healthy
All my life I’ve been in relatively good shape. My weight would fluctuate ten pounds or so but always manageable. A low calorie and exercise worked for me. Even after my first two babies were born. But everything seemed to change after the birth of my third baby. I am 36, tired and I know I need to lose weight. But part of me is too exhausted to care. I can’t seem to find any energy. Three boys, severe autism, stress, and not sleeping through the night is working against…
Read MoreA Mom to Two Only Children
I’m 7 months pregnant with my second child while sitting anxiously with my husband and 17 month old child in a waiting room of a speech and food therapist office. Every time the door opens to the waiting room I can feel my heart racing faster, and then Zachary’s name is finally called. An hour and a half later our very first evaluation is over. I’m left feeling more empty in my car then when I came into the office there. It’s hard to rationalize and almost defend your child…
Read MoreA Letter to my Pregnant Self
Looking back at pictures of myself while I was pregnant does not bring back much sentiment. Instead, they make me sad. I look at the woman in those photos, so full of hope, so desperate to be a mother, oblivious to how drastic her life is going to change, and it just breaks my heart. If I could write a letter to her, I don’t know what I would say. Do I sugarcoat things for her to let her enjoy the time of ignorance, of denying, of saying, “he’ll catch…
Read MoreDoes He Understand That You Are Pregnant?
‘Does Cooper understand that you are pregnant?’ I get that question all the time. Even more as my pregnancy progresses. My honest answer is I don’t know. I truly don’t. Maybe? Maybe not? In our house we assume competency. Cooper is a very smart kid. He is always listening. But, this is a tricky topic for him too. We talk about it every day. We include him in conversation the best we can. We point to my tummy. We are even going to buy a baby doll and start practicing.…
Read MoreMama, I Don’t Want my Baby Brother to Have Autism
On Sundays we eat dinner at Jamie’s parents. Often, this is our only trip outside of our house as a family. We treasure it. We look forward to it. They only live 10 minutes or so away but sometimes the trips can feel like an eternity. I of course was sitting in the backseat with both boys. On trips longer than a few minutes, I often sit between them. One of Cooper’s biggest struggles is still vehicle safety. When he gets anxious, or his Kindle stops working to his liking,…
Read MoreAre You Going To Try For A Girl?
‘Are you going to try for a girl after this one?’ I have been getting that question almost daily lately. I get it. People wonder when they find out that you are having your third boy. And in no way am I offended. I am a big enough person to admit it. I would love a daughter. Of course. My mind immediately goes to pink tu-tu’s, gymnastics, prom, and being the mother-of-the-bride. My world right now is mud, dirt, Nerf Guns, Legos and poop. Yes, poop. It’s wonderful and amazing.…
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