Posts Tagged ‘nonverbal autism’
Silence isn’t Golden
“It will get easier when he talks,” said my mom, to me, a first time mom. I’m rocking my crying newborn and googling reflux, colic, and “breast is best.” “It will get easier when he talks,” said my mom, to me, a slightly concerned mom now. Zachary is barely making milestones on time. The doctor ask, “Is he rolling from his back to belly yet?” “Almost!” I said, trying to convince the doctor and myself. And sure enough a month goes by and he does! I assure myself God is…
Read MoreWhat I See when I Look at You
Before you were diagnosed sweet boy, I prayed for a lot of things. I prayed for answers. I prayed to find doctors that would listen to me. I prayed for strength to never give up. And I will admit, that I was so scared of the ‘word’ autism, that I prayed it was anything else. A speech delay. A developmental delay. A hearing loss. I prayed that you were just a late bloomer. That you were strong willed. Anything but that word that people were afraid to say out loud.…
Read MoreThey Call him a Monster
When you share your world like I do, you see, read, and hear things that are unbelievable. Things that make me physically ill. Evil finds us. Hate finds us. Which is hard to believe. I just share my kids. Our life. Our funny, beautiful life. And yet they call him a monster. They say he’s a waste. That he’s dangerous. That he’s much worse. Just because he has autism. A diagnosis. A label. A word. An explanation. Not an excuse. Something he was born with. He thinks a little differently.…
Read MorePlaying our First Game
Just checking in on this balmy 35 degree spring like afternoon (it’s 80 degrees warmer than it was two days ago) to tell you that I just played a game with my son for the first time ever. Candyland. For years Sawyer and I have played every game you can imagine, and invited Cooper to join us. We’ve begged, bribed, encouraged…you name it…we’ve tried. He’s never once joined. Games aren’t his thing. He also struggles to sit and understand the concept of playing. Well, today, I asked him if he…
Read MoreWhat About After Forever Mom?
Last night I took Sawyer to pick out gift bag goodies for his birthday party. He had so much to say. Riding in the car produces some of my favorite memories with Sawyer. ‘Which is more mom? 16 or 14?’ 16 bud. ‘What is 6 plus 4? It’s 10 mom. How did you not know that?’ I did know that Sawyer. You didn’t let me answer. ‘What friends are coming to my birthday party on Saturday? Wait, let me say their names.’ ‘Lucas, Derek, Braden, Kellen….pause. Mom, did you know…
Read MoreA Week of Forevers
This week was a mixed bag. Or maybe, a grab bag. I guess I don’t really know what it was but I’m confident the word bag should be included. Maybe. It was hard and good, happy and hopeless, hopeful and unrelenting, energized and bone-weary. It simultaneously flew by and seemed like it would never end. In short, it was a normal week. Our new normal, anyway. On any given day I felt that our life was certain to be filled with nothing but trying to push our sweet boy up…
Read MoreParenting a Child with Nonverbal Autism
You will forever have hope that the next year will be when they begin to talk, then you realize it been almost 18 years since the diagnosis. Many years ago, right after Jake was diagnosed, my heart hurt, and I was seeking how to express who my sweet boy was. So I wrote this poem. Looking back on my writing, I truly had no idea the journey ahead of us, but it’s played out just like I wrote, so many years ago. A poem for my son. My boy, Jake…
Read MoreThank You to the Man who Chose Himself
Thank you to the man who chose himself over his child: Being a single mom is really hard. Being a single mom to a special needs child is next level. I never realized the strength I had inside of me. You helped me release these very primal instincts when it comes to our son, that I had no idea existed. I share such a rare and special bond with him because he is all I had for so long. It was just he and I everyday. There isn’t a person…
Read MoreI Wished this Version of Autism didn’t Exist
Unanswered questions and the fear of the unknown, Kept me awake at night and I felt so alone. People saying, “He’ll grow out it”, or Autism is a gift, Had no idea what they were saying, I wished this version of Autism didn’t exist. Robbing a child of their voice and basic life skills isn’t being blessed, It’s heartbreaking to watch, and leaves you all feeling distressed. Advocates and other Autism Mum’s may isolate you for being negative, They claim that to the ‘Autism world’ you’re being insensitive. Maybe it’s…
Read MoreWhen I Think about Reality
When I was pregnant with our third baby, Jamie and I would talk about our worries over introducing another little one to the family. There were two of us. There would be three of them. We’d be going from man-to-man to zone defense. But there was more to it than just that. Our son Cooper, who was 7 at the time, and now 8, didn’t have any self care. That means we dress him. We put his shoes on. We still feed him many of his meals. He doesn’t grab…
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