Posts Tagged ‘nonverbal autism’
I Thought About Running Away
After my son was diagnosed with autism, I had all these different thoughts running through my head. Almost manically. I needed to help my kid. I needed to make this okay. I thought about moving away. I felt like this label had been tattooed on his forehead, destined to follow him everywhere. So, if we went to a new place, a new city, a new school district even, then they wouldn’t know. And it would be fine. He would be fine. Because no one would know he was autistic. Right?…
Read MoreWhen Hard Work Pays Off
This kid played one heck of a baseball game tonight. He hit the ball twice WITHOUT mom’s help. He ran the bases and didn’t need my help to stay calm! He clapped, cheered and perfected the double high five-down low-up high-chest bump with mom. Grandma and Grandpa were there cheering so he brought his best game! He even stopped mid-base to wave at them and request they clap. In the field he snagged a few balls, ran them back to the coach and took in a few minutes of Thomas…
Read MoreWatch our Son with your Heart
Many emotions arise each time we start a new chapter with our son Benton. I hope for understanding in a world that speaks only with our mouth and so seldom our hearts. Benton was given the ability to speak only with his heart. Watch him with more than your eyes. Look beneath the supposed behavior and imagine what he may be saying to you by his movements and sounds. Conclusions must not be rushed to with our children. Think first what could have caused him to cry, or run…
Read MoreI used to Say I was Broken
I don’t think I will ever be able to put into words how hard autism hit me. And I don’t mean the word. Or the years up to getting the diagnosis. Yes, that was all hard. There is no doubt about that. The realizing something was off. The no sleep. Struggles to get him to eat. Or play. Or be content. Or go anywhere. Or acknowledge people. Well-child visits to the doctor where I could see milestones slipping away. The realization he was nothing like other kids his age. Or…
Read MoreTurning Invisible
I remember when my son and I turned invisible. It wasn’t fast. It wasn’t overnight. It happened slow at first. And then one day, I felt like we were gone. There were no playdates. No conversations at Kindergarten drop off or pick up. He wasn’t involved in sports or clubs. His interests never changed. No new hobbies. No hobbies at all actually. He’s never had a birthday party invitation. Time was a continuum. No start or stop. No new grade levels. No spring, summer or fall activities. If we went…
Read MoreSomeday you will Leave Sweet Boy
On particularly emotional parenting days I’ll watch them sleep. Sharing a bed. Neither one acknowledging the other one until bedtime. 8:30 will roll around. Sawyer will still be in the backyard hitting baseballs or riding his bike over a jump with his friends. Like clockwork, Cooper will look around, grab his blanket with one hand, put his other hand on his check to mimic sleeping and say, ‘SSSS-AH-ER.’ ‘You want Sawyer buddy?’ He’ll say yes and point upstairs. I typically take him up and get him ready for bed while…
Read MoreI had Plans for us Kid
I had plans for us kid. Big plans. Plans that I can admit didn’t include autism. I was going to be one of those moms. The super involved moms. You were going to be in sports. And have so many playdates and friends and birthday parties. We would have couple friends. Who had kids the same age. You were going to say the darndest things. Of course be adorable. And then handsome. And smart. We were going to travel. And be really, really busy. We would have endless conversations and…
Read MoreI have the Challenging Kid
I have the challenging kid. The one who doesn’t want to cooperate or participate with anything, unless there is something in it for him. Even then it’s hit or miss. And teaching him new things feels impossible, you’re always met with so much resistance. He’s loud and screams—a lot, because he has such big emotions and no way of expressing them. I have the kid who has sensory needs. He spins and goes upside down and refuses textures and adventures. He stims by squealing and dancing and tapping on his…
Read MoreWhen Forever Hits You…
I just went for a run. My first run in years. It was terrible. 85 degrees out. Sunny. No breeze. I ran for 30 minutes. I didn’t stop. I cursed myself a few times. I’m 36. And I let myself get this out of shape. I used to run. I used to exercise. But then life got too hard. Too busy. My legs felt like concrete. I was going so slow at times I waited for people to pass me. But I did it. I didn’t make any excuses. Like…
Read MoreThe Big Elephant in the Room
Recently, my son Stalen and I were getting groceries. The cashier was super nice and began talking to me as she scanned our stuff. She also tried to strike up a conversation with Stalen. When he didn’t respond to her she asked me if he was shy. I quickly told her that he has autism and is non-verbal. She asked, “will he ever talk”? I felt myself cringe and I could feel the lady in line behind me leaning in. It wasn’t the question that bothered me, it was the…
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