I Can’t Ever Die

I’m not sad about our lives. It’s never been sadness. Its been sheer terror. I have been terrified. What will his life be? We are so close to adulthood. What am I suppose to do now? Do the angry autism advocates online realize the thoughts running in my head? The ones where I can’t ever die because I have a child who will never live independently? Do they plan on picking him up and caring for him when I am 80? No, I’m not a “martyr mom”. I’m a terrified…

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Not the Life I Pictured

Some kids go to hockey practice and baseball games. Or theater or an art show. Play dates and birthday parties. That’s what a parent imagines. Cooper and I used to have nothing like that. No outings. No games. Oh how I longed for something. Anything. A place that we could go to together. Now we go to speech together. We go to grocery stores and Target too. We visit places in our community. We visit parking lots just to learn about cars and strangers and practice waving. We always seem to…

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