Posts Tagged ‘growing up’
My Last Baby
This morning I sat long after I should have and rocked my last baby. The day was calling and I should have gotten moving. There were lunches to be made, dishes to be done, emails to be sent. But instead, I sat and held her. I smelled her hair. And studied her face. And listened to her giggle as I pretended to chew on the fingers she placed in my mouth. Her first birthday is in two days. My last baby. How did that happen? Just yesterday I was 28…
Read MoreI Need More Time With You
My son, Your birthday is in 8 days. You have been counting down since mid December. You love your birthday. And you love being older. So much so that you are already telling people you are 9 years old. I lovingly correct you every time, reminding you that you are still my 8 year old. I also threaten you with a potion that will keep you little forever. But you have no time for that nonsense. You want to grow up. I want time to stop. Last night you snuggled…
Read MoreSlow Down Little One
There is something that happens between ages 7 and 8 in little boys. A part of development I didn’t know about. I was sitting on the couch a while ago when I heard the door burst open. I was confused because my son had just left mere minutes earlier to go sledding with our family friends. I yelled his name out. Just to make sure it was him. When he rounded the corner he ran to me and jumped into my arms. I held him like he was little again.…
Read MoreTrying to Stop Time
My son, Your birthday is in 8 days. You have been counting down since mid December. You love your birthday. And you love being older. So much so that you are already telling people you are 8 years old. I lovingly correct you every time, reminding you that you are still my 7 year old. I also threaten you with a potion that will keep you little forever. But you have no time for that nonsense. You want to grow up. I want time to stop. Last night you snuggled…
Read MoreThe First Ride
Two weeks ago, this kid asked me to ride the bus. Sorta out of the blue. He verbalized it…’H-U-SSS.’ (B’s are hard for him.) He showed me busses on YouTube. He showed me busses in books. He pointed them out in the community. And me, being the mom I am, smiled, cheered, and thought…no way. I’m too scared. He’s too vulnerable. I can’t do it. Nope. But his dad, well he reminded me how I preach about independence. Nonstop. I want my son to make his own choices. I want…
Read MoreAchieving Independence
I believe in honesty, transparency, and reality. So, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared about providing lifelong care to my son. And there are times when that fear can consume me. It will eat me up at 3 am if I let it. But I’m working on it. I’m working on managing my fears and worries. And I’m working even harder on teaching my son all that I can to help him achieve his greatest level of independence. I push. I pull. I teach. I hope.…
Read MoreLooking Differently At Life
When my son’s autism was discovered six years ago, I wasn’t ready to think about the future. Nope. I focused solely on the present and helping him. And it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t like help just rolled in. I learned quickly there is no prescription for autism. Instead it was trial and error. And a whole lot of advocating (fighting) for services and supports. But hard work paid off. And he was worth every bit of the hard. When he turned 8, I was ready to dip my toe into…
Read MoreGrowing Older Together
Yesterday, I had an out of body experience. I was walking along the river with my son Cooper and my husband. We had to get him out of the house, which has been nearly impossible to do since COVID. As we walked along, I held his hand. Every few seconds he would pull it away from me to do something on his iPad or point to a duck or flap his arms happily or hold two fingers up to remind me that his Amazon should be here today. I would…
Read MoreThe Beauty Of A Complicated Path
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the paths that each of my boys will take as they grow up. Three sons. 9, 7 and 1. Cooper, my oldest, well, it’s been complicated. So many daycares until we finally couldn’t find one to take him anymore. Then starting in the school district at age three, multiple day programs, IEP meetings, transportation to and from, trusting the world with my tiny, yet mighty, nonverbal, unaware child who could hardly hold up his backpack. I waved goodbye to a child who didn’t know…
Read MoreA Simple Trip to the Store
Four years ago, when my autistic son was four years old, I took him to Target. He had just been diagnosed with autism. Life was just starting to get more challenging. The list of places we could go and things we could do was getting smaller. Anything outside of our home was nearly impossible. He struggled to walk, to ride in a cart or stroller, to be calm, to wait, you name it…we felt it. But I needed something from Target. I needed to pick up a prescription. I needed…
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