Posts Tagged ‘Childhood Apraxia of Speech’
The Sweetest Boy
I don’t know a lot about other autistic children. Hell, I often feel like I have the only nonverbal autistic child in the world. Which I know can’t be true. But it sure feels that way. When I think about a child having a disorder that affects socialization and language my logical (or ignorant) side always assumed they wouldn’t be sweet. Or crave love and affection. But that is the opposite of Cooper. Cooper is so unbelievably sweet. This kid physically doesn’t know how to be mean. Or how to…
Read MoreWord Vomitting and Hating Yourself After
I said something really horrible about autism. And it wasn’t in the privacy of my own home after few glasses of wine like a good mother would do. It was a full blown word vomit in front of Cooper’s doctor. Sometimes I feel like I am the only mom in the world that has these thoughts. Or at least the only mom that shares them with the world. We brought Cooper to the doctor for his pre-op physical a few days ago. Per the usual Cooper tore that room apart. He gets in these…
Read MoreHaving the Only Autistic Kid at the Party
I want to tell you something I’ve learned. If you read my blog regularly you know that I talk mostly about my experiences raising an autistic child and how they make ME feel. I feel like I rarely ever give advice because I spend 95% of the time in survival mode. And autism is the biggest mystery in the world to me. But I try to help when I can. So I am pretty excited to say that I had an epiphany this weekend. I guess you could call it self growth.…
Read MoreSubtle Improvements
I’ve noticed that when I get sad about something Cooper related I will miss things. Subtle improvements. I feel like my Cooper emotions are on a cycle. Something will make me sad, I’ll be down for a few days and then one of the boys will remind me how great they are and I’ll dig out. It’s a god damn roller coaster. And yes, my sads are less sad than they used to be. That sounds funny but it’s true. I’m getting stronger and life is going on and it…
Read MoreThere Is No More Hiding
Coopers quirks are showing more every day. There is no more hiding behind age. He is the size of a 4-5 year old. He’s also so loud that blending in isn’t an option either. He is ALWAYS making noise and it’s loud. I am sitting here observing him as he watches his trains. He borders between pure joy and stress. He’s flapping and jumping and making nonstop noise. Think shrieking. Every change to the track or train brings very obvious stress to him. To me, there is zero FUN in…
Read MoreI am Jealous of My Own Son
Life has been crazy lately. And again, in a way, I love it because I don’t dwell on the little things. I ran a half marathon yesterday and I’ll tell you that one thought crossed my mind a dozen times. ‘One more step and maybe Cooper will talk.’ So silly, right? I can’t help it though. It’s the way my mom brain works. I am his voice. I am strong for him. When the running gets tough I always think of him. Like maybe in God’s spare time he is…
Read MoreThe Lesser Evil
When Cooper was (mis)diagnosed with a moderate hearing loss in both ears at age 2 I thought the world was ending. Dramatic…YES. But, I am an honest person and that is how I felt. I kept picturing him getting teased. He had just turned 2 and it was the beginning of the bad. (although I didn’t know that at the time.) I had a new baby and I was fighting the baby blues and nursing and I was told that my 2 year old would never hear birds chirp or…
Read MoreTough Conversations
Today the school psychologist came to our house to do the final in-person evaluation. Our IEP meeting is set for the day after Memorial Day. We are so damn close. The phsycologist recently observed Cooper at daycare and was shocked at how he acted like a different kid in different settings. I totally get this and could said it until I was blue in the face. I actually gave up trying to tell people becaue I started to sound like a broken record. At the school evaluations Cooper resembles Lucifer. And…
Read MoreRunning From Your Problems
I can think of a dozen times throughout this journey where I have considered taking my family and moving away. I fantasized that we would buy a cabin on a lake somewhere. Jamie and I would both work from home and we would raise the kids the way we wanted too. I would even homeschool the boys. Doing this seemed so right. Probably because the parent of a special needs child lives in constant Fight or Flight mode. I guess what I am really trying to say is that I fantasize about…
Read MoreI Don't Want To Be Super Mom Today
I was told at the beginning of this process (or maybe it was the middle) that I wasn’t taking the help that was available to me for Cooper. This was said to me by someone pretty close in our lives. She went onto tell me that I was living in denial and I wasn’t get Cooper the help that he needed. When she said this to me it was like one of those slow motion moments where time stops. I could practically see the words hanging in the air. I remember looking at her…
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