How You Found Your Smile Again-A Letter to Jack, My Autistic Son

It’s been seven months since the world stopped. You were so sad in the beginning. You didn’t want to get out of bed, and you didn’t want to play. But the most shocking thing was this: you didn’t want to watch movies. Do you remember that? It was the first time this has ever happened. The sweetest thing in your world seemed sticky and irritating. It was confusing for you, and for all of us. Miss Janell would probably call it “topsy-turvy.” This kind of thing happened to a lot…

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The Beauty of Repetition

How many times have you watched that now? Like many 12 year olds, my daughter struggled to wake on a dark wet morning for school. To ‘soften’ the early start I said that after breakfast and getting dressed she could watch something for ten minutes before school. I knew exactly what she would watch and I was right. She watched the same episode of her current favourite programme for the 23rd time. As I walked her to school she asked if I had remembered her book. Due to current restrictions…

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My Brother Jack

I was surprised when I found out my brother Jack has autism. To me he wasn’t weird or odd. That was just him. He always asks a lot of questions, like what color shampoo people used. He asked that one so much that I thought it was something people usually asked each other in a conversation. He gets mad sometimes. He gets mad when there is too much noise. He puts his hands over his ears and screams. He worries a lot. After I found out about his autism, I…

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Dear Sawyer

Dear Sawyer, You are seven and I am writing down the stories I want to share with you when you are a grown man. So you know about our secret world. Last night I went to your bedroom to tuck you in but you weren’t there. So, I made my way to your older brother Cooper’s room and saw you holding him. It brought tears to my eyes. The protective way you were holding him was beautiful. He’s been driving you bonkers lately. He has this desire to be near…

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Thank You For Always Having Your Brother’s Back

To my eldest son, On Monday you asked, “Mummy what is autism like?” I told you my answer, and we sat and watched an animated explanation, showing how your brother sees the world differently to you.  As I waited outside the school gates for you yesterday, you saw us and came running up with your arms held wide. “Hello, Rhys” you said, taking your brother’s hand in yours.  The cars flew by us on the busy road, and you mentioned the noise and how scary it must be for Rhys,…

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Inside Her Head

Let me tell you something about an Autism Mama. Her brain never stops—not for one single second. All day long, it circles and loops and worries and wonders. It is a flow chart of appointments, and therapies, and specialists, and schedules. A veritable melting pot of hypothesis, and hope—optimism, and sorrow. It moves very, very quickly, this brain of hers. Like a bird alighting upon sunlit branches, it moves from one thought or idea to another. Dinner. The latest research about gluten-free diets. How to stop him from chewing his…

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Battling the Darkness

There was a time our life changed. We went from ‘typical parents’ to special needs parents. Although I still don’t see the differences. We have a different struggle, but we are still parents. Autism crept into our lives and changed the way we used our voice, while we were fighting for other kids. It sneaked into ours and asked us to use our voice for our own children. Our son was the first to be diagnosed…never did we think we would take the same road twice. I think I grieved…

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What Happens When?

I spent an intense morning with my son Luke at the eye doctor. Honestly, we’ve been frequenting doctor’s offices most days. Yesterday was PT for Ryan my husband, today, eye doctor for Luke, tomorrow and Friday PT for Ryan, Saturday, family doctor for a new wheelchair for Luke… This is life for special needs families. I made this appointment months ago…before Ryan had committed to his new surgery date in Feb…before when the original date was Jan 6 but then Luke was still in PICU and so we rearranged our…

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Don’t Count Our Kids Out

Who needs some joy today? This kid had his first school conference in three years yesterday. He’s a big fourth grader now. And like I’ve known all along…he’s amazing. He’s joyful. Happy. Cuddly. Loves giving hugs. So smart. He knows so many sight words and is amazing on his speech device. The goal for me is typing words. I can’t wait until we can have a typed conversation. His bus driver and aide love him. His driver told me he hits the bumps for him because it makes him so…

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Halloween 2020

Happy Halloween friends! Cooper had his best Halloween ever. He happily and proudly wore his costume. And the hat! I cannot believe he wore the hat people! He willingly walked with us. He visited four houses! And only went inside one. In his defense he knows where they keep the good paper. He picked out exactly 7 treats and ate none. Thankfully his brothers helped him out. He pointed to his bag to say trick or treat and signed thank you at each house. Then he was done. We were…

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