Guest Post
Our First Steps on a Journey that Continues Today
People often ask me if I knew my son had autism when he was an infant. The answer is no. There were, however, all these little clues that he was different from his brother. Little to no eye contact, not responding to his name, and not smiling when myself or someone else would smile at him. But, they were all just out of my awareness and the complete picture of what we would face in the coming months was not yet clear. I started to question things near Finn’s first…
Read MoreThe Start of the Long Road to Acceptance
Today, I watched my four year old Florence at one of her school performances. As I stood watching her dance and sing – coyly beaming at me every now and then – I felt that old familiar feeling rise. It’s bittersweet. See as I watch my girl perform I cannot help think of my son. Connor is three. He was diagnosed just before his third birthday with ASC. Connor has the type of autism that you cannot miss. You know the loud, in your face and challenging type. Introverted he…
Read MoreSometimes I Wish It Wasn’t So Hard
My autism “ah-ha” moment came when my youngest son was six years old. He was diagnosed at age four with moderate to severe autism and a global delay. I was recently a single mom of the three boys, with two of them on the autism spectrum. My one son however was high functioning and steadily progressing. That was not the case with my middle son though and it was a very hard pill to swallow. We had many medical professional tells us that we needed to focus on quality of…
Read MoreTo My Son’s First Friend…
To my sons first friend, I’m not sure that you know what you mean to me. I have watched you and my boy, for months now. I have seen the way you tend to him. Not in a, here I’ll help you because you’re special needs…kind of way. But a, you’re my friend and I want to be with you…kind of way. I have seen the way you look at him, and the way he looks at you. I have watched you get him to do things, that others can’t.…
Read MoreA Letter to My Daughter, My Son’s Biggest Fan
Today was, as you call it, a “Mommy Day.” I don’t work on Mondays, so we played and snuggled and went to music class and ate lunch at Panera. Then, we picked up “Col Col” from preschool. You burst into the classroom, thrilled to see your big brother, and he proudly announced “This is my friend, Grace!” You two giggled and ran around, and didn’t listen to Mommy, and giggled some more. I love seeing you two together (even when you’re being a little naughty) because I didn’t know if…
Read MoreLoving Our Son For Who He Is With No Expectations
This post is about the ‘start’ of our autism journey with our now 17 year old son Cody, who is on the severe end of the autism spectrum. This is when I first realized that my life was not going to be as I had anticipated or even hoped it was going to be and how I learned to be okay with it. And more importantly, how I turned those lost hopes and dreams into what is now my only desire. A lifetime of happiness for my son with no…
Read MoreObservations From an Autism Mom
Off he went in a flash in the big open gym. He darted away not to play with other kids at the birthday party, but instead to play with a curtain on the far right side of the room that separates the small space from the big gym. He happily pulled the curtain open and closed it again. Over and over. He then darted off to throw a basketball in the hoop. He laughed as he picked up the ball and threw it in. Within a few seconds, he was…
Read MoreDenying What Was Right in Front of Me
I don’t really want to be writing this, because it’s not pretty. I’m somewhat ashamed of this moment, but it’s my truth. “Why can’t you just be normal??” This is what I yelled at my sixteen month old beautiful baby boy. The look on his face is forever sketched in my memory, as it should be. I should never be allowed to forget how awfully broken I was then. Noah had been seeking sensory input at an all time high. Spinning, head stands, making non stop noises {not babbling, big…
Read MoreI Don’t Mind Being Your Mom
As a mom of a child with autism, I often feel burnt out, disconnected and stressed. I often feel like a shell of who I used to be. I feel like someone who’s just struggling to make everyday a good day, even when the dark cloud looming over me is incredibly heavy. I’m not fun anymore. I’m rarely spontaneous or enjoyable to be around. I’m not as positive as I used to be and I don’t always see the good in the things that should bring me joy. I feel…
Read MoreThe Moment My World Stood Still
It was a Sunday night. I had locked myself in the guest room with my mac book. I had had this feeling gnawing at me that something was not right with Sander. He was 2 years and 4 months old. I was a first time mother. I sat staring at the blank space in “dr” google. I thought back on my conversations that I had been having with friends, family members and acquaintances. Talking to my Mom on Christmas, “But Mom, why does Sander only like the wrapping paper and…
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