Jumping Into the Rabbit Hole

It was 2016 and we were feeling pretty good about things. The psychiatrist recommended an occupational therapist to use as a way to address our son’s up tick in outbursts. Within the last year the explosive tantrums were not occurring with the same frequency (yay), but when they did, they were fierce (nay). And when they were fierce there were times I would get sad and sink into what I call the rabbit hole. I would feel sorry for myself and lament that other families did not have to deal…

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Our Days Are No Longer Lost

For the first time, since as far as I can think back, I want time to slow down. I actually haven’t ever really felt this way. My whole life I’ve been sprinting to reach the next milestone. A shame I know, trust me. I wish it hadn’t of taken me thirty years to realize this. And it’s kinda an odd feeling to have made this shift. Since having Noah, all I’ve been doing is trying to catch up. Rushing to do everything and anything I could to get him ‘better.’…

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The Water Slide Less Traveled

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina and the Embassy Suites at Kingston Plantation will always hold bittersweet memories for our family.  Even before we were married, my husband and I would attend medical and dental meetings at the beautiful oceanfront oasis, enjoying romantic candlelight dinners, soaking up every precious second of our time away from the purse strings of life. After marriage, we introduced our beautiful baby boy, David, to our seaside retreat.  He attended every meeting, quickly showing his affinity for the sand between his toes.  It was just after his…

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The Can’ts Will Become Cans

I remember like it was just yesterday. I dazed out of the evaluation window as we waited for someone to come in and explain how this “process” works. My son had just turned 2 a couple of weeks earlier, and he was finally old enough for an official diagnosis. I was anxious because on that today, June 9, 2015, I would find out that it wasn’t all in my head. That something was indeed wrong. We listened, we asked questions, we tried to initiate activities that showed the doctors why…

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Advice For The New Autism Parent

Dear New Autism Parent, First of all, I want to say I’m sorry!  Even if you’ve suspected that your child has autism, having your theory confirmed hurts. It’s like a smack in the face. It feels like all of the plans you had are gone and the child you expected to have may never be possible. It sucks! Believe me I’ve been there not once but twice. I’ve had to sit through a meeting where they break the news that my suspicions were correct. Despite how you might feel right…

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I am Thankful for Those Rare Moments

I’m going to be real here. Throughout the frustration, the exhaustion, the tears and screaming, I really start to question how much I can handle sometimes. There are days where I really don’t want to get out of bed and face the day. There are days where I want to hide away, just for five minutes of peace. There are days where I want to scream and cry. There are days when I truly do think, ‘autism really sucks.’ Then, there is the feeling of guilt that for a brief…

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However Hard Autism is for Me; It is Harder for My Son

At 9 months old, I knew there was something different about Zachary. At 17 months old I took it upon myself to get him started in feeding therapy, and then shortly after early intervention. At that early point in Zachary’s life everyone tells you, “he is fine…he is a boy, they take longer to do certain things” and all that extra fluff.  As a nurse I knew differently, and as a mom I knew in my heart. Zachary will be 4 years old in April, which also means I have been a mom for that long as…

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Let’s Get Real About Public Restrooms

It’s time to get real and talk about public restrooms and people with disabilities. I created the video below to bring awareness and to talk about the problems my son faces in public restrooms. It’s a huge yet largely invisible problem. The fact that older children and adults do not have diaper-changing spaces in public places is so wrong. What if the rest of us had to lie on a dirty, public floor in order to take care of one of our most basic human needs? It’s just wrong. In…

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Dear Autism Teacher

The bleachers are a sea of orange shirts. I push my one year old back and forth across the crowds of people as I search for your class. We search for about ten minutes before I finally spot the sign for your school. I’ve never experienced the Special Olympics before but it is way more crowded than I expected and I am thankful that I put my squirmy toddler in a stroller otherwise I am pretty sure I’d be chasing her around the crowds. As soon as Isaac spots me,…

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Dear Teacher, From, Your Forgotten Student

Dear Teacher, My son was the one you forgot to acknowledge at the concert last night.  You said such nice things about all the other seniors that are graduating. You knew where they were going to college and had at least one personal thing to say about them. It was a really nice tribute. Many of these young adults will be going to Ivy League schools.  I’m willing to bet that most of these students are top students with high academic marks.  I’m fairly certain that these same students have…

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