When I used to think about autism, back when it was a word used to describe someone else’s child, and eventually when our son was first diagnosed, I used to think about the differences. Autism meant he would be different. And that made me so scared for him. Because I knew the world could be unkind. I would hyper focus at 3 am or while in the shower on all the ‘nevers.’ The differences. The challenges. The worries that would drop me to my knees. He may never talk. He…
A few days ago, someone said to a friend of mine, who has an autistic son so similar to Cooper that you’d think they were brothers, that her posts about her son were negative. She was upset of course. She didn’t feel like she was being negative. She thought she was just sharing their life. And him. And in fact, she celebrates her son much like I do Coops. I told her my hunch. That people looking in ‘think’ we are being negative when we share because our kids do…
On March 22, 2022, Kismutt Rescue of Ontario, Canada, posted a message on their Facebook page. It was addressed to “Mama Bears” and referenced their policy of not adopting to families with autistic children. (*I could not find this policy on their website, so it is not clear whether it is for any autistic individual or just autistic children.) The message related two incidents that resulted in the creation of the policy. One took place around 2008 or 2009 when, according to them, an autistic child’s mother called to say…
See that boy on the left? The one in blue… He is 9 years old. He is in 3rd grade. At least once a week he tells me he can’t wait to be a grown up so he can ride dirt bikes and do whatever he wants. But he also reminds me he is never moving out. He plans to live in the backyard. We had his school conference a few weeks ago. His teacher told us all about his test scores for math. We talked all about developing skills…
I am not autistic, my son is. And I spend much of time trying to understand him so I can be a better advocate. How he thinks. How he processes. Why he likes certain things. Or doesn’t like others. And how I can help him understand this world that wasn’t really made for him. His brain often feels a bit confusing to me. Mysterious even. Intriguing at the same time. Autism. Blurring the edges a bit. Touching all of his parts. Yesterday, as we were driving together, Cooper saw a…
I get asked a lot how to be a good friend to a person who has a child with special needs. Here are my 10 suggestions. 10. Let me be. In the beginning, I needed someone to let me be sad. Or worried. Or angry. Whatever emotion I was at the time. Just let me be for a while as I step into our new world. So often people try to rush us through or gloss over our hard times. Just sit with me and don’t try and fix it…
I have a question about this ‘season of life’ and it’s…. What in the actual heck?! We are in the thick of it over here. And while we are no stranger to it, nothing seems to ever prepare you for kids who fight sleep, the stomach flu, pee sheets, dishes, whining, and the laundry. There is so much laundry. Six people. It’s insanity actually. It’s a season they say. Which I love by the way. I love looking at it that way. Some seasons are easy breezy 75 degree sunny…
I’m really bad at asking for help. And I don’t mean that in a job interview sorta way where you say your biggest weakness is ‘doing too much’ because you secretly want to make yourself look good. Nope, this isn’t that. I’m really bad at asking for help. It’s a character flaw really. And it isn’t necessarily a good thing. It’s more of a sinking in a boat and someone throws you a life raft and you smile and say, ‘thank you, but I got this.’ When clearly, you don’t.…
‘Everyone has a different idea of what happiness looks like.’ Is my son happy? I think about that a lot. As do many parents of children who struggle to communicate. Who can’t show us. For a lot of years I honestly didn’t know the answer to that question. At age 5 my son didn’t laugh or smile much. He didn’t enjoy leaving our house. At home, he isolated himself a lot. He didn’t play or interact really. He was full of anxiety, only we didn’t know because anytime we asked…
My sweet boy is having a sad night and he is unable to tell us why. We are doing everything we can to figure out the why and the what but no luck so far. It’s the hardest part of nonverbal/nonspeaking for me as a parent so I can’t even imagine how hard it is for him. Does he not feel well? Does something hurt? Is he getting sick? Is he scared? Worried? Sad? Does he miss someone? Was someone mean to him? There are a million and one questions…
