I’ve reached my limit with potty training Cooper. I’ve exhausted all options that I know of. I need help. I am waving the white flag. Or crying in front of the toilet after being kicked in the shins. Either one. There are good things happening. The kid does not want to wear a diaper…especially a wet one. He takes it off if we put one on him. And here’s the kicker. He stays dry. He has excellent bladder control. And when he has to pee he will bring us a…
One of my greatest fears is losing Cooper. He’s not necessarily a runner or a wanderer, which are traits highly associated with autism, but still….the fear is real. Cooper will most likely not call out if he is lost. Or answer to his name. Or come running. Or even recognize the fear of being lost. And Cooper looks like a completely average little boy and his disability may net even be recognized. So as Cooper has aged, his dad and I know that there will most likely come a time…
I made the decision when Cooper started at Fraser that either Jamie or I would pick him up 5 days a week. I did this because Cooper is nonverbal. And he is getting highly intensive therapy 5 days a week. And if I don’t pick him up I have no idea what is happening in his world. Imagine never being able to ask your kid how their day was. Or what they did. It really, really stinks. So every single day, either Jamie or I, sit in the Fraser parking…
I spend a lot of time thinking about all the things I’ve missed with Cooper. I know…he doesn’t know…he’s happy…he’s not missing out…blah, blah, blah. Those three things top my list of ‘What not to say to an Autism mom.’ But I know. I see it everyday in Sawyer. I know what I am missing. It’s a whole life. It’s language and emotion and socialization and laughter and interaction. I am missing it all. It comes in waves. Sawyer and I were looking through his baby book last night. We…
I’m not always up for trying new therapy’s with Cooper. And there are MANY reasons why. First, they are expensive. A lot of therapies are not covered by insurance. Pre-autism I was unaware of the black hole of death that is health insurance. When you don’t need it….but have it…it’s great. When you have it…and need it…and your kid needs everything…it can be very tough. Second, no therapy that you want to try will ever be conveniently located or at a time that works. It’s the truth. Plus, my kid…
I found this quote today on Pinterest and it jumped off the page to me. While I don’t believe that God only gives special kiddos to parents that can handle it…I DO BELIEVE I am blessed to be Super Cooper’s mom. And my life’s work is to make sure he is happy, safe and has the best life possible.
I often question how much I should push Cooper. And motivate him. And I really ask myself how much I should expect from him. If I completely lower my standards than I feel that I have given up on him. And his future. But I also can’t expect him to behave like a typical kid. Those skills are not there. I had Cooper’s yearly evaluation at Fraser last week. It went pretty well. He has really, really improved in the last year. I heard a lot of comments on how…
I thought by now I would have mastered autism. I truly did. And that I would be the one giving advice to other mamas. I thought by now that my nonverbal boy would be talking away. And potty trained. I thought by this time we would be so much farther along. We are not. In some ways we are in the same spot. Standing still. I just spent 5 minutes scrolling through Pinterest. I entered one word into the search box…Autism. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. Maybe hope.…
Do you know that I was actually stressed about posting that video of Cooper making sounds online. I’ve been doing this for 3 years. I’ve been waiting for the words for so long. And I start to feel like my hope is like a broken record. Even today, I regretted it. I know the comments I will hear from people now. Don’t be sad…he’s making sounds. He’s close to talking. Someday he will talk. It will happen soon. It’s almost like these videos are ammunition of hope. But what the mom inside me…
Jamie and I had a late night conversation last night about the nonverbal struggles. We both agree that although nonverbal is hard…it’s the delays in ‘understanding’ that is harder. There is no waiting. There is a little tiny bit of ‘first this, than that’. There is very little reasoning. And holy moly can that kid carry on. At times I am secretly impressed by his devotion to the things he loves. If only his devotion didn’t have to be so damn loud and shrill. I truly believe the language is coming. I…
