There comes a day where you realize that admitting autism is hard isn’t a choice you have to make, but rather it’s a moment in time where the struggle of special needs parenting goes from secret to unable to mask it any longer. This switch happens when people start to recognize meltdowns that are no longer age appropriate, and it feels like every eye is on you. It happens when aggression kicks in to your daily life, and you realize there isn’t a safe space to go anymore because your…
At the park last night, one of these boys played with boys his own age. He went up the slide and scaled the jungle gym like an acrobat. One of these boys chased after the older boys. They tickled him and he loved the attention. He went down the slide a hundred times and said…’mommy watch this!’ The other boy felt the mulch with his fingers, went down the slide twice because his mom asked him too, and spent the majority of his time tapping the metal garbage can and…
Have you ever purchased a very challenging jigsaw puzzle just for the sheer joy and feeling of accomplishment you’ll get once you’ve successfully assembled it? The larger the quantity of pieces the better right? As I stare at those 5,000 pieces dumped onto my counter top and begin sorting and flipping them over, it becomes overwhelming that each individual piece doesn’t tell me anything about the completed picture. Where do I start? Is the best method for success gathering the corner & edge pieces to form an outline or should…
Sometimes, I find myself thinking about her. The one who probably rises at 5 am to do something wild like go for a run or attend hot yoga. Her time management skills are impeccable. A caesar salad is a treat for her, and she’s diligent about drinking water every day. She excels at work and is fully present at home. She thrives in the routine of each day. She schedules appointments for herself and keeps them. She knows which skincare products to use and what colors to wear. She is…
The thing with growing tiny humans is they are always changing. Learning. Absorbing. Getting bigger. My son Cooper is 13 years old. He wants to ride an Amtrak train more than anything. He wants to have a party with his three friends, Dexter, Peyton, and Landon. He loves going to school. He also is autistic and technically nonspeaking on paper. But if you know him you know he has loads of words and sounds and signs and he can spell and read and even use movie scenes to tell us…
For me, as a mom, this parenting autism life, especially alongside my neurotypical children, has often like a contradiction. A double-edged sword or sorts. A constant contradiction of joy and grief, both coexisting and intertwined. Neither wrong. A few days ago, I walked into a gym full of fifth graders and their parents and teachers. A living wax museum it was called. And my son, Sawyer. He was Barack Obama. Or Barry as we learned he liked to be called. He was lined up amongst his peers. He was ready…
We practice. We practice everything. I remember in the beginning l, after the diagnosis of autism was said out loud, feeling overwhelmed about all of the things my son needed to learn. Things that came seemingly easy for most children. Walking safely, using silverware, speaking, playing, self care, I could go on and on. When I thought about all of it I almost couldn’t breathe at times. I didn’t know how to do it all. So, I did what any logical person would do…I made a list. I ranked them.…
Oh vey, if it only were that easy. Has anyone made a comment when you were trying to feed your child and said, “Oh, don’t worry so much. They’ll eat when they’re hungry?” I can relate to this all too well. Growing up, I was obsessed with bologna sandwiches. Nothing else would compare to the positive feeling I’d get whenever I’d be presented with another bologna sandwich. It wouldn’t matter if it was breakfast, lunch or dinner. That easily became one of my norms around the time I was diagnosed with autism at 4. This is a common…
When we are out in public, my biggest worries are not about how my autistic son will act. Instead I worry about how the world will react. I don’t worry about his mannerisms. Or his uniqueness. Because I know exactly who he is and how he is going to behave. And that he is learning and growing. I know he will flap his arms in pure joy. I know he will run. And sit. And maybe feel the cool of the cement with his cheek. I know he will squeal.…
I just came from a coffee date with a wonderful mother who has a daughter like my Cooper. The power of the internet brought us together. She wants to change the world like I do. She wants to take away the stigma and the fear and educate like I do too. Over coffee, we talked like old friends about our kids, our jobs, our goals, poop, behaviors, aggressions, medications, good schools, bad schools, the fear of puberty, self injuring…you know, all the things moms talk about when they find another…
