My son, two years ago you were about to make your official preschool debut. You were almost 22 months. I was so happy to have finally gotten you into your sister’s school. I had been begging for a spot since you were 15 months. I felt you badly needed to be in that environment with other children, I guess I already had a hunch. This was going to be so great! You would be with your sister all day, she could walk you to your room, watch over you on…
As parents of kids with special needs we know our lives are different than most. Our highs are higher and our challenges are more significant. While our peers are registering kids for sports we are arguing with the insurance company about the cost of a stroller. Or trying to figure out a new behavior. We are getting babysitters for teenage kids and researching a new medication. We are putting up door alarms and trying to balance the world of special needs with the typical world. And we are celebrating our…
On particularly emotional parenting days I’ll watch them sleep. Sharing a bed. Neither one acknowledging the other one until bedtime. 8:30 will roll around. Sawyer will still be in the backyard hitting baseballs or riding his bike over a jump with his friends. Like clockwork, Cooper will look around, grab his blanket with one hand, put his other hand on his check to mimic sleeping and say, ‘SSSS-AH-ER.’ ‘You want Sawyer buddy?’ He’ll say yes and point upstairs. I typically take him up and get him ready for bed while…
I sit and watch you after you have fallen asleep. I am in awe of how much you’ve grown. I sometimes mistaken you for your big sisters (now you weigh the same), and I pull back with fear. You see, sweet child, I have come to terms you will always be my baby. I will always protect you and sing you your favorite lullaby in loop mode. I will always be there to help you eat your breakfast and remind you the food is hot, and to use your fork, not…
I had plans for us kid. Big plans. Plans that I can admit didn’t include autism. I was going to be one of those moms. The super involved moms. You were going to be in sports. And have so many playdates and friends and birthday parties. We would have couple friends. Who had kids the same age. You were going to say the darndest things. Of course be adorable. And then handsome. And smart. We were going to travel. And be really, really busy. We would have endless conversations and…
A family says they are left heartbroken and saddened after they were asked to leave an Outback Steakhouse restaurant in Glen Burnie, Maryland on Saturday night because of their son who has Childhood Apraxia of Speech, a neurological disorder. Amanda Braun’s son, Killian, was born with Childhood Apraxia of Speech. The disorder affects Killian in many ways especially communication and behavior. Sometimes when he speaks, his words are unclear. My son Cooper also has apraxia along with autism. To us this means he wants to communicate, he knows what he…
I have the challenging kid. The one who doesn’t want to cooperate or participate with anything, unless there is something in it for him. Even then it’s hit or miss. And teaching him new things feels impossible, you’re always met with so much resistance. He’s loud and screams—a lot, because he has such big emotions and no way of expressing them. I have the kid who has sensory needs. He spins and goes upside down and refuses textures and adventures. He stims by squealing and dancing and tapping on his…
I just went for a run. My first run in years. It was terrible. 85 degrees out. Sunny. No breeze. I ran for 30 minutes. I didn’t stop. I cursed myself a few times. I’m 36. And I let myself get this out of shape. I used to run. I used to exercise. But then life got too hard. Too busy. My legs felt like concrete. I was going so slow at times I waited for people to pass me. But I did it. I didn’t make any excuses. Like…
Dear Me, I’m sorry I never think you do enough. You go to bed exhausted. Sleep restlessly throughout the night. In between the 3 A.M. googling and night awakenings from you child, you still dream. I’m sorry you still dream. It’s never the exact dream, but that pain in your heart feels the exact same. Your nonverbal child said, “Mom…” “…I love you…” “…I’m good.” Or worse, your child has a whole conversation with you, as if their voice has always been there. Then your tired eyes open. You try to…
As I start my fourth year as an Autism parent, I’m finding that my relationships with others are changing. I have worked so hard the last three years to make it all work, to make all the events and to try to still be a “typical” Mom but I’m not. I actually enjoy following my kids routine. It’s my routine too. I’m just like him, I don’t like the unknown or a change in plans. When we are out on a family outing, I’ve been on edge the whole time…
