My son, when you were little, I would picture your future. Our future really. The beginning was hard. Mama can say that. You didn’t like to sleep. Or eat. Or sit still. Or play. You wouldn’t do any of the things that mama needed you to do either. Stack three blocks? No way Jose. Sit in a circle full of friends and listen to a story? Not gonna happen mama. Instead, you and I would do our own thing. It felt like we were in our own world. Just you…
Sometimes I will be sitting in my living room, watching my son, and all of a sudden feel fear. It will come out of nowhere almost consuming my thoughts. Paralyzing me. I’ll see a flash of the future. A glimpse twenty years from now. It’s not fear of the diagnosis. Or the label. Not anymore. It’s not fear of being different or standing out. Nope, we embrace that here. And it’s not fear of paving our own path. Because there is beauty in achieving milestones and goals at a different…
You may be surprised to learn that, for me, as the father, the most challenging part of having a child with Autism, was neither the financial strain, the disruption of my family’s social dynamic, nor the isolation. No. It was none of the common challenges we all share as the parents of Autistic children. But, please, allow me to digress. It’s no exaggeration to say that when Finn was born, it was one of the four absolute greatest days of my life. His beautiful face. Those curious eyes. His mothers…
I had a nightmare last night. I was stuck at a four way intersection with a dead car battery and people were quickly growing frustrated with me. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words would come. I tried sticking my hands out the window to sign, to make a hand motion that could explain my predicament, but it seemed my brain had stalled just like my vehicle. People honked aggressively at me, motioning that it was my turn to go. I wanted to explain to them, I tried…
A wonderful medical professional once told me something that changed my way of thinking forever. She wasn’t some big huge doctor. I didn’t wait months for my son to get an appointment with her. And yet, she changed his life. My nonverbal son was sick. Really sick. But because he didn’t show the typical signs, I didn’t know. No fever. No ‘my head hurts.’ No pointing. No saying ‘ow.’ Instead I was seeing a lot of self injuring. He wasn’t sleeping. So much screaming. More gaining control through behaviors. And…
I read something the other day. It said that it appears that I neglect my middle son. I don’t share him enough. I wasn’t angry. Although it was Christmas Eve so I did side eye her timing. People say lots of things and don’t really fully understand that I share mere minutes of our day. Sometimes seconds. In fact, it got me thinking about motherhood. And time. Not love because we all know we love our children equally. Although I tend to increase mine a hair towards the ones who…
Our whole family is sick. This is the first time that I can remember every family member being sick at the same exact time. Although some seem to have more energy, strength and overall will to survive than others. Some of us take sickness in stride. Some of us do not. See, it’s usually just me and the baby. The other three have these super human immune systems that make me want to secretly cough on my husband’s pillow at night but I don’t because…the man flu. No one wins.…
Did you know there are some women out their who never whine? Or complain? Or even say it’s hard. I never knew that. I really didn’t. So, when I stumbled across a post on Facebook bashing women for talking, or as they said whining, about the hard parts of life, I was shocked. Apparently, these so called whiners hate their kids and husbands. It was a lot to take in I a tell ya. I realized, they are probably talking about me. I talk, whine, complain, vent all the time.…
Most mornings feels the same to me as the mom. Most days the same too. Kids. Work. Cooking. Cleaning. Up too early. Wondering if my son will ever learn to sleep in and if the other one will ever sleep through the night. I mentally taking note of everything that needs to happen to get the day started while praying that my husband programmed the coffee pot to brew so it’s ready when I get downstairs. Cooper is on the couch surrounded by photos of his family, owls, penguins and…
Have you ever wished that your child would complain? We have. We do. This sweet boy is so sick. Sicker than we originally thought. But we didn’t know. Because everyone else in our family is sick too. And everyone else has the ability to complain. ‘Mom I don’t feel good.’ ‘My head hurts.’ ‘I feel hot.’ The remedies are pretty standard. Cough drops and popsicles for sore throats. A seat by the fireplace to combat the chills. Soup and ginger ale for a sore tummy. A bed on the couch…
