See these things in my son’s hands? Most would probably call it junk. Or even garbage. To my son…it’s treasure. It’s nine pieces of construction paper. Two pages from a calendar. Four pages from a train guide book. 11 pages from a vintage train magazine. 12 empty DVD cases. These are his things. I told him to get ready for speech. He grabbed the necessities. They go everywhere we go. They go to the bathroom and to his bed. From couch to floor. They eat dinner with us. And if…
Since Covid started, and the world changed, me and a whole other bunch of parents have been trying to explain the unique ways it has impacted kids with special needs. We speak of loss of services and supports. We share stories of regressions and loss of skills. Some dare even share the harder parts. Often our stories are met with sympathy. Some shame. But we keep talking. We keep trying to get the world to see the hidden children. A few days ago it dawned on me that my son…
I can’t tell you the last time this kid and I did a puzzle. It’s been a few months at least. I have a dozen excuses why. It’s summer and playing outside with a hose is way better. Covid hit and life got turned absolutely upside down and inside out. I am writing a book. Jamie is running a business. Sawyer is playing hockey and golf and flag football. The baby never stops moving. Then there is homeschooling. I’m not good at it. I want to be clear. It is…
My son, you matter. I feel the need to say that today. Loudly. To all of these people who read about you. Who love you and want to learn about you. Not to remind myself. Or you. Because I know you are amazing. I know you love trains and paper and the movie Alpha and Omega. You sleep with six blankets every night and hug your brother every morning and like your chicken nuggets cut up. You love mail. And Amazon. And making noise. You are a person. A human.…
Dear Bullies, I wish I could say there is probably a reason for the hate in your heart but I won’t be able to do that. Your tough childhood or the excuse that hurt people in return hurt people are reasons wasted on me. You see there comes a time in our lives where we need to stop blaming others for the way we are and start learning from the difficulties of our past. YOU though are in a class of bullies all by themselves. The kind that would target…
As a mother of a child with special needs, there are some things you just don’t say out loud. Because these things… these thoughts that occasionally loop on repeat over and over again in your head, well, they’re dark. They’re depressing. Sometimes, they’re downright scary. But these forbidden thoughts, these heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, soul-crushing thoughts that you’re often made to feel bad for having, they’re part of your reality. Part of your life. Part of the life that you didn’t choose. And if you dare speak of these dark, depressing, scary…
The other day I was scrolling my newsfeed and I came across a picture—a list, really—titled Reality Check. I scanned the points and as usual, my brain went right to autism. I can’t help it. Ever since my son was diagnosed fifteen years ago, I see much of the world through a spectrum lens. Hi. My name is Carrie. I have five kids, and my second son, Jack, is diagnosed with autism. When I was a New Autism Mama, I thought I could just make Jack do the things he…
Yesterday my son rode the bus for the first time to school. I was nervous. I thought about getting in my car and following but didn’t because I knew it would be great. When the bus pulled in the driveway after his school day I was waiting as the big doors opened. My first question…’how did he do?’ See, as a mom of a kid who has struggled in the past, and still does at times, I was ready. I’ve built up this armor you could say. Waiting for the…
I love you. Three simple words. Most of us throw them around loosely. Take them for granted. We say them when we hang up the phone. When a loved one leaves the house. When we kiss our little ones good night. Sometimes out of habit. It’s something a mother hears a million times.. over a lifetime. That is unless your child is… NONVERBAL. Then you might never hear it. One of those things that most don’t even think about. I have told my daughter “I Love You” everyday, multiple times…
Two weeks ago, this kid asked me to ride the bus. Sorta out of the blue. He verbalized it…’H-U-SSS.’ (B’s are hard for him.) He showed me busses on YouTube. He showed me busses in books. He pointed them out in the community. And me, being the mom I am, smiled, cheered, and thought…no way. I’m too scared. He’s too vulnerable. I can’t do it. Nope. But his dad, well he reminded me how I preach about independence. Nonstop. I want my son to make his own choices. I want…
