What a Gift This Little Girl Is

I am watching my three year old daughter dance right now. She is tapping. And twirling. Sitting when needed. And following directions. This morning she asked to brush her teeth. And clip her nails too. She quacked like a duck. Last night she pointed to a star and said ‘mama, look at the wishing star.’ She puts her own shoes on. She dresses herself when she adamantly wants to wear something. She walked with me and her brother Cooper to the bus the other day and said ‘bye Pooper on…

Read More

To the Mama Whose Baby Isn’t Starting School Today

To the mama whose baby isn’t starting school today. To the parent who is wondering if they should take the picture. And wondering if they should celebrate just another day. To the dad whose sending some kids back to school but not the others. To the parent feeling a twinge of sadness today. Or a lot. I understand. Your child doesn’t go to a typical school. They go to therapy. There are no grade levels. Just continuous time. Or maybe they do but they aren’t really in a grade. On…

Read More

My Autistic Son’s Unexpected Show of Love

Something beautiful happened today with my oldest son, Cooper. He is 13 years old and has a disability. He was three years old when they told me he had autism. Severe nonverbal autism they said. What followed was a list of all the things he would supposedly never do. Brick by brick the predictions were made. Each one crushed me. I’ll tell you at age 13 he amazes me every single day. I won’t say it’s easy. For him. For us. But it’s good. Amazing even. Today I was upset.…

Read More

Camping in His Own Way: My Son’s Journey to Happiness

I often say having a son with nonverbal autism has given me the gift of sight. Before him I didn’t truly see people or the world. Now I do. I see the good and the kindness. He’s also taught me that there is more than one way to live. To enjoy. To experience. To be joyful. Cooper has been asking us, nonverbally of course, for weeks, maybe even months, to sleep in his grandparent’s camper. He showed me videos on YouTube of camping. He used his speech device to present…

Read More

Standing Up for Gus Walz: A Mother’s Plea for Kindness

Today, after nearly ten years of sharing about autism, hoping to shatter stigmas and lessen fears around those who are different, it finally happened. I lost faith in the internet. And let me tell you, prior to today, I’ve seen some stuff. Stuff you probably wouldn’t believe. Awful, demoralizing stuff. But today, I saw the worst. And as a disclaimer, please know this is not a political post. Anyone who knows me knows I’d rather start my eyelashes on fire than post about politics. This is a post about humanity.…

Read More

Between Two Worlds

Sometimes, parenting kids in all of their typicalness confuses me. The curiosity. The independence. The ease. My first baby made me a mama 13 years ago. Then, together, we crashed into what I call the secret world of autism. I’ve never known a second of parenting without factoring in disability. The hyper vigilance. The worry. The fear. The hope. It’s just different. It’s climbing play structures and always getting into the pool and holding hands and heads during a meltdown in a busy street. It’s explaining and asking for accommodations…

Read More

Plans Unraveled, Love Unfolded: A Letter to My Son

My son, I had plans for us kid. Big plans. Plans that I can admit didn’t include autism. Even today, after 13 years, sometimes I still find myself wondering how my plans got so derailed. I’ll be giving you a shower, bending down and washing your feet, and I’ll look at you, eyes squeezed shut, eating bubbles, throwing your head back, smiling, squealing, and I’ll wonder how this happened. How we got here. Right here. Thirteen years in. Or, I’ll be helping you with your shoes and you’ll grab my…

Read More

Advocating for My Child: Lessons Learned from Autism

When you have a child diagnosed with autism, it’s not about you as the parent. At least that’s what we are told. Your sole focus becomes helping your child. Getting them the help they need. Services. Supports. Therapies. Education. And so on. That’s the role of a parent. And that’s how it should be. But one part that is overlooked, I think, is the evolution of the parent. Their journey. And the patience that should be given to them when everything changes suddenly. It’s not easy ya know. Stepping off…

Read More

Conversations in Silence: Understanding My Nonspeaking Son

When my son was 7 and 8 and the reality of nonspeaking forever was sinking in, I used to spend a lot of time thinking about his future. What would it be like? A teenager and then a man who couldn’t speak. Would I ever know his favorite color? Or why he loved trains so much? Would I ever hear I Love You? Would people be kind to him? Would they be patient with him and treat him with the respect that he deserved? Would they know how cool he…

Read More

Bend, Don’t Break: A Mother’s Journey

I come across pictures all the time. Old ones. Taken back before life got really interesting with four kids. I usually find them all crumpled up under a couch or stashed in between the pages of an old book. Sometimes a corner is ripped off. A sign that my oldest, who is autistic and adores photos of his family, has treasured it and hidden it away for another day. When I found this one I stopped picking up legos and beyblades and internally cursing my kids for being so dang…

Read More