Posts by Kate Swenson

After my son was diagnosed with severe nonverbal autism at age three, I was told all of the things he would most likely never do. Speak. Read. Write. Live independently and so on. As if the people around us, the ones there to help us, knew his future. It felt crushing. It was as if his story had already been written. And there was nothing I could do. Well, there ain’t no determination like the determination a mother has when she is told what her baby won’t do. Mark my…

I caught myself staring at this picture of Cooper today. Look how small he was. It brings tears to my eyes every time I see it. The way he was holding my face. He was 18 months old. That tiny, angelic, little boy had turned my whole world completely upside down and inside out from day one. I was exhausted when this picture was taken. I hadn’t slept through the night in 18 months. I was at an all time low weight. I had huge dark circles under my eyes.…

Back to school hits so differently when your child has a disability. I could pretend it doesn’t. I could trick myself but what’s the point. Who does that help? Honesty helps. Feeling helps. I stood in a store tonight picking out a few new shirts and shorts for my incoming freshman. As I stood there, I watched a gaggle of boys run through the section. They talked about school tomorrow. Who was driving who. I noticed their hair. What they were wearing. And how they talked. They were wearing shirts…

I’m always amazed by typical development. Even after 14 years of being a mom. Three boys and a girl. Ages 14 down to four. Autism first. Then three neurotypical. The differences are not subtle. They are loud. They are noticeable. They’ve given me the gift of sight. I’m amazed how some kids just instinctually know to sit in a circle and walk in a line. And some don’t. Some talk. Some do not. Some grow almost effortlessly. Some stay frozen. Why, I often wonder. Why do some kids have it…

Kid, I spend a lot of time thinking about the things you cannot tell me. There are little things. Like why you point to certain clouds or put your ear up to the wind and laugh. There are big things too. Like why you hit your head in frustration. Does it hurt? Do you hear something I cannot? I wonder why you like trains so much. I wonder why you carry the DVD cases but don’t watch the movies. I wonder if you are lonely. I wonder if you get…

My second son was in 2nd grade during the heart of Covid. He was a remote learner. His classes were conducted via zoom. It didn’t go well for him. He struggled to sit and pay attention to a screen. At the end of second grade we learned that his reading and math scores were way below grade average. I was devastated. Talk about feeling like a failure as a parent. Administration said…‘don’t worry about it. All of the kids are behind.’ I worried anyway. For third grade we sent him…

‘Mom, how does Cooper dream?’ I have four kids. My two oldest are 14 and 12. Brothers. Sawyer, my 12 year old going on 17, doesn’t ask a lot of questions about autism anymore. He doesn’t need too. He understands his older brother. He’s learned alongside all of us from the beginning. He knows how to listen with more than his ears. He understands grunts and points and that flapping of the hands means happy. He knows covering ears means excitement. And that his older brother needs help sometimes. He…

When I was in college I took a psychology course. I’ll admit I don’t remember much. But one lesson on social norms stands out to me. Our professor asked us to stand backwards in an elevator. He advised us to walk in, push the button, and face the wrong way. He explained that doing things differently than they are ‘supposed’ to be done makes people uncomfortable. I’ll tell you this: One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned as a mom to a child with autism is how to be comfortable…

I’ve been told countless times not to compare when it comes to my two oldest boys. Two years apart. Now 14 and 12. When the older one was born, I knew. I knew in my heart something was different. I could feel it. He never slept. His words didn’t come. The world seemed to terrify him. He never learned to play. Other kids didn’t interest him. The younger one…the opposite. He slept. He cooed and smiled. He learned to talk and play and make friends effortlessly. Don’t compare, the world…

I was a very outwardly happy person. I had many friends and family members in my life. I was a homeowner, successful in my job, etc. I told everyone I was fine. I stopped sharing and talking about my life because I didn’t want anyone to know how hard it had become. I refused to ask for help. I pushed everyone away. I was a martyr. I started to believe that I didn’t deserve to be happy. I was told ‘you are so strong’. I completely lost myself. I was…