Posts by Kate Swenson
If it Never Gets Any Better…
Part of me started to believe it was going to be really hard forever. Part of me started to only know how to live in the intensity. The chaos. I learned how to manage. How to react. I found happiness there. It was my normal. I could handle it all. The running. The self injuring. The screaming. I perfected ‘first-then,’ token boards, timers, a speech device, therapy, calm body-calm hands, family skills…you name it. I could do it all. I made your happiness the center of my world kid. Willingly.…
Read MoreCoping with Autism
I’m an optimist at heart. I really am. So, when I got the diagnosis of autism for my daughter I remained hopeful. She was two then. I had actually known she had autism since she was 10 months. At 10 months Antoinette never looked at me when I made a sound. She never made eye contact. She never cried. Crying is a form of communication. She wasn’t communicating. I watched my daughter and thought to myself “she’s a genius, that’s what this is.” I told myself that daily. Three years…
Read MoreNo Talk All Action
The red shirt that Brian has worn everyday for the past 5 years (we have 4 of them) says “No Talk All Action”. It is not just a slogan, it is how he lives his life. My younger daughter Catie was upset one night last week and was in tears sitting on the couch between me and my husband. Brian appeared from the other room and came over to Catie, wiped off the tears on her face, and hugged her until she stopped crying. He would not leave her side…
Read MoreSometimes I Forget
Sometimes I forget. I know I shouldn’t. I mean, come on, it’s been 8 years. This isn’t necessarily new. And it’s been a long 8 years at that. It’s been so much trial and error. We’ve moved. We’ve seen countless doctors, therapists, and educators. They all say the same thing. Autism. And then severe autism. After that nonverbal autism. Level three and then level four and back to level three. Apraxia. Severe intellectual disability. Anxiety. In a way it’s like our life became checkboxes. Words on an evaluation. I always…
Read MoreMom Thanks Metro Police Officer who Helped her Autistic Son
For 2 years I picked up my son from his Autism Program five days a week. While I waited for him, I sat in the parking lot and watched the metro trains drive by. My son loves trains. And every day I would watch a young mom, with a baby strapped to her chest, try to get her young, autistic son out of the building and to the train. I’d watch her hold onto him on the platform. I watched him drop to the ground and roll. I watched her…
Read MoreNavigating our Loud World
Living in Minnesota, we always relish the summertime. Being able soak up the sunshine and spend long days outside is amazing after being cooped up inside all winter, and with summer comes loads of fun activities: spending time at playgrounds/parks, sporting events, blockbuster movies, birthday parties, big family gatherings, trips to crowded tourist destinations, the list goes on and on. However, with these types of environments comes a challenge for many of those on the autism spectrum: the noise. All of these environments can get really loud. While not always…
Read MoreWe’re All the Same
Before having my daughter, I had two miscarriages. They were years apart and left me fragile and vulnerable to fear. Fear that it would happen again and fear I’d lose her after she was born. Later. Someday. Fear that kept me up at night. Fear that still keeps me up at night. While people are finally starting to open up about their experiences with loss, they aren’t talking about this anxiety that comes with parenting. At five years old, I opened myself up to trusting more people to watch her…
Read MoreI Need you to Show me the Way Kid
Last night we went for a walk. You and me and the baby. Sawyer was off riding bike with the neighbor kids. He finds walks with us to be a little boring I guess. The rain had finally stopped for the day and I needed to get outside the walls of our house. You know me kid and you know that sometimes mom feels a little batty when we spend all of our time inside. I buckled your brother into his stroller and helped you into your shoes and hoodie.…
Read MoreI Don’t Understand Why
I’ve numbed myself now for quite some time. I went from my daughter getting a diagnosis to my son having autism too. When I realized he was on the spectrum it really hurt because I thought he would be the typical child that would help with his sister and that I would be able to relate to on a level I feared my daughter might not be able to. When he began his aggressive behaviors- this beautiful boy I love- that is when it became too much. The whole process:…
Read MoreLong Term Survival Mode and the People who Live it
Recently I found myself in that that spring cleaning mode—the place where I wanted to purge, and organize, and simplify all the things. But as I took a step back to take inventory of our lives I was quickly overwhelmed by what I found. There were so many things that had been left un-done for so long. As I thought about why, the reality of our life came flooding in around me. It all comes down to survival mode. When you come home from the hospital with a newborn in…
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